Well, I think everyone felt lonely sometimes..

But today it's really feeling like hell over here.

I don't know why I am writing this, I guess I just need to get it out of me.

I just realized of how much of a loner I am today.

I don't like girls at all, not to be with or have as friends.

And when I get male friends, they just get it f*cked up by falling in love with me.

So how should I have my life?

I have my b/f, and he is nice and all that.

But I rather spend a night out having a night shift in the military all alone and be depressed then sitting in a lousy house just doing nothing.

Why can't I just feel like I have a mission in my life?

I have thought more about joining the military now then ever before.

I think it will suit me..

It will suit me better then being a model.

Besides, there isn't anything better then having a weapon in your hand and knowing that it's your best friend.

Not that I like violence, but then I at least have something in my life I like.

A nice miltary job as a leutanant.. (Excuse my spelling) or a something like that.

I want to be out there, defending the people and do what I desire most - to help and to make justice.

It's my call in life.. But why don't I follow it?

Why don't I do these things I like instead of letting things get in my way..

Of course, I problaby want a family someday in my life, but I don't know if that dream burns as much for me as military and cars.

I am aware that I am discussing a lot of crap.. Hehe..

But that is how we girls work. :P

I want to make a difference out there, I want to be there and do these things to help civilians to get rid of things that ain't good for them.

I want to be out there on these fields and know that the guys you work with, the other soldiers, is your best friend and you are made for covering their back and fix this situation with your leader.

Nights like these can make you think about life, dreams and your situation..

Why can't I just get feeling of what I want?

This will be my longest night ever..

And this will be one of a lonely night..

Hey, chin up there. You know that saying "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence?" Well it pretty much holds true with everybody, you always think something else will be better than what you have now. It usually doesn't work out that way however. It seems like you have a pretty romanticized idea of the military in your head, you might want to seriously consider talking to some veterans or current military personnel (such as some of the gentlemen you can find here ) before you commit to anything. I've wanted to be in the military all my life, but thankfully my dad made me promise to wait before signing anything until I was 20, I still signed the contract, but I went into it with open eyes, thanks to my Dad's stories about his day-to-day experiences (not just the funny or exciting "war stories") and those of many of my neihbours and friends who joined before I did.
I don't want to put you off the military, but you should really make sure you know what you're getting into, because if you're expecting a war movie experience I'm afraid you're more than likely going to be dissappointed.

Originally Posted by Redneck

I don't want to put you off the military, but you should really make sure you know what you're getting into, because if you're expecting a war movie experience I'm afraid you're more than likely going to be dissappointed.

This is very true...
Being in the military can sound very exiting and "romantic" if you're on the other side of "the fence".
Of course it can be just that from time to time, but much of the time it's hard work, away from your family and friends.

Originally Posted by GhostWolfOfRussia

I want to make a difference out there, I want to be there and do these things to help civilians to get rid of things that ain't good for them.

This is also one of the things I really like about being in the Army.
The posibillity to go abroad and help others less fortunate than myself.
But this is also not as "romantic" as it may sound.
The reality is far far away from anything you see on TV. (In one direction or the other...)
I've had some of my most frustrating moments when I was working abroad.
What we did and saw was something completely different than what was shown on TV...
That's why I never trust the news when it comes to military operations abroad now, I only trust the ones who was/is down there.


But I'm still working in the Army, and most of the time I really like my job.
So if you're serious about it I can really recomend it.
But I recomend you to seek some information from someone who is in the military now, or has been. (in Sweden)
Don't always trust the recruiter 8) . get information from the field.

I know people who have a romantized idea about the military..

And naw, I can't say I have it in that way..

I have talked to people who have gone the 7-11 months training.

I know it sounds like that I have that romantic idea..

But I don't, and especielly not to go into war. That would be my worst fear, I have feared that alot.

To see these things that happens would be the worst thing in my life.

But what I mean is, You rely on the ones you work with and when relying on your weapon is to rely on yourself.


I wasn't THAT depressed last night, but I want a work that I can focus on.

I love to give my soul and heart when I work.

And I know it sounds romantized when I tell stuff..

But all mechanic things, no matter gun or car I trust it with my heart.

Because when the day comes you can't trust your car or weapon and it doesn't wor.

It's no ones elses fault then yours.

When I was like 4-5 years old, Dudes, I remembers this like it was last night.

Well, The night was dark and everything was stormy.. The lightning struck down like it hated us.. We lived right out in nowhere, on a hill.. So when it struck the house or around the house it sounded like the bang was beside me, like 5 inches from me. I was scared and the one thing I turned to because I was scared and cryin was to grab my pillow and go to the Ford Granada outside to sleep in the backseat..

Wich I did.. And I slept like a baby.. This is a true story..

I never EVER have came to a person when sad..

I went to a car to clean it or do something.. Or went to a dog, cat.. Just some animals..


The military job fits me in more places..

I like to be outside, even if it's snow or raining..

I love to live in the nature..

Well, It's hard to explain..

But one thing for sure, is that I hate to shoot at living things.


I have been out hunting, and the friend of mom USED to bring me..

Because, I have been shotting with air-rifle.. I think it's called so in english..

And the first time I shot with the air rifle, I got almost high scores in the air-rifle club.

Well, So this friend brought me to hunt, we went down to a field and waited out the animals..

This day of some reason, there where both deers and rabbits..

As well as birds..

He wanted me to go first and shoot..

I didnt want to shoot the deer..

So I picked the rabbit, I aimed in the grass and just felt this "STOP" feeling.

I had a clear shot, but to shoot that rabbit was to use my power in a bad way.

I had no reason to shoot that rabbit, it hadn't done me anything.
I just stood up instead and looked to the hunter and told him.

I will never ever aim on something unless threathened..

And explained to him that I didn't need to food from the rabbit, or the hono0ur.

the honour in that is to know where to draw the line from using you power over someones elses life rightfully.

So I don't know..

Well sometimes I can get a little excited over the military.. And that's my idiot thing..

But other from that, I am very psychological of me, and I don't do things witout counting out every conesequense of it.

Now I feel like I am just rabbling on..

I will end this post to reply on yours later.. :P

Anyways, The hunter don't like me on the hunting field anymore..

Just before I think of to much things and the consequenses for my actions..

I think my b/f don't like that side either..

Sounds like you have given it a lot of thought...

Go for it girl.
But what I ment by checking with some who is/has been in the military is that you should be completely sure what branch you would like to join before you go.
The moment you have entered one branch, it's hard to switch to another if you don't like it there...

Yeah I know what you mean.

Well, I have given it some thought, and I have a guy who is a mine tracker wich have told me alot of things.

He was about to join the UN before he got a kid.

I have the lifestyle that would fit the military training and to work as a military.

But we will see, within time shows everything.

I think the military is for people who dont really need the comforts of society. I aint gonna lie, I dont have alot of friends and frankly I dont need alot of friends. Ive never fallen for a girl probobly because it doesnt mean much to me. God and Country, thats all I need. Thats njot to say I dont like people, cause Im a good people person, it's just I dont have a "need" of companionship on the level most people do.

If your not like that it's not because your weak, and me being how I am is not because Im some phycopathic anti-social personality. Follow your personality, do what is best for you.

Oh my god!

I haven't be able to describe myself before, and I thought I was the only one feeling that way..

Dude, I feel the same..

I can get friends easily, but I don't feel like that have been my thing..

I hang out with them sometimes.. Like once a year..

And when it comes to boyfriends.. Well, I like them and such, but I haven't felt that feeling that this is what I want with them.

Not that I complain about my boyfriend I have now.

Just that, I don't feel that it is important.

Nevermind, you describe it damn much better.

Damn, I really didn't think any had the same thoughts and feelings about this like I have..

And no, I don't feel either that I need the social bit to comfort me.

I am good on my own.

And has always believed to follow my heart and soul where it takes me.

Though people have put me down because of that too, since I started go to school.

Since first grade to be correct.

But that haven't stopped me in believing in what is right and what is wrong.

I just go my way in life, what I dream off and such.

I listen to other people and get the whole picture before taking action in anything though.

Now I am talking to much and screwing your fine words up by being complete out of words..

Well, You are damn right!!

Thanks!

You have saved my day!

Now I have such a damn much strength!

(I always have strength, but you can always get more )

Now I gotta go some see some more movies with Vin Diesel.

i've felt the same way, but usually its just "a feeling" b/c i know deep down, i wouldn't be able to survive alone... i mean, i have tons of friends, and i still feel alone so ya

As I often say..

A wolf can't hunt alone..