AZ_Infantry
Active member
This is NOT -- I repeat NOT -- a pat Richard on the back thread. It will seem as such, but it is actually about what today is all about. Read it ALL before deciding to comment, please.
I live in a medium-sized town situated almost exactly center between Dallas and Fort Worth (that's in Texas, for you geographically-challenged out there). I've been here about 4 months or so. Where I live is, essentially, the armpit of the town itself. I have a little hovel I survive in. Every day is a struggle. There are days I cannot eat, saving food in storage so that in 2 days I’ll have something to put in my belly when the REAL hunger pangs hit.
The area I live in is one of those small, rural-town atmospheres where just about everybody knows just about everybody else. Except for outsiders like me. We are about 99% Hispanic in this area, and I am a small, scrawny, tattooed white boy. The only thing I have in common with these people is that I am poor.
Because my truck is in AZ, and because I have a leg that doesn't work more often than it does work, I am extremely limited in when I can work - I am dirt poor. But money is overrated.
This morning, Memorial Day, I took a walk to one of the little stores around here. It's about a quarter mile away, but the lady that runs the joint is very sweet and VERY Christian. If you walk away before you get a "God bless you!" she will literally chase you outside to say it. The weather here is just magnificent right now, and I needed cigarettes (I know, I know...), and since she's close I hoofed it on up there sporting my high and tight and my Army shirt and boots.
But when I got inside, the lady (who I had seen walk inside) was nowhere to be found. I called out to her to no avail at first. And I will admit this before God and my peers: I was tempted to steal what my habit was craving and just leave. She has one video camera, but you can see the picture behind the counter, and it is focused on the parking lot - NOT inside the store. There, she has zip. It is extremely easy to take what you need and duck the camera.
And I was VERY tempted. Very. Just stuff a few packs of smokes in my pocket and maybe a few beers and leave. Nasty habits call for nasty measures.
But I kept calling out to her, as I was getting worried. VERY worried. Had she slipped and fallen? Was she being robbed (the very thing I was considering)? What the HELL, Batman?
Finally she calls back in a very muffled voice. I couldn't hear her, really - her voice, yes, but not her words. So I yelled, "Ma'am, are you ok? Do you need help?"
She was in the bathroom.
Oh, OK. Cool. So I stood there and waited... and waited... and waited...
10 minutes - literally. And DAMN did I want to grab some smokes and run. I haven't felt temptation like that for a very long time. No one would know. She doesn't know me. I wasn't being recorded. I know the shortcuts home. Would she really miss a couple of beers and a couple packs of smokes? I wouldn't touch the money, of course. No. But some beer and smokes? Why not? She has so much and I have so little. And I'm a vet - I have earned a little freebie here and there, right? I was about to embarrass myself to count pennies out for a pack of smokes, as pennies and a bit of silver is all I had. I don’t deserve to be embarrassed like that! Back when I had money, didn’t I hand it out those that hand none like candy? I’m a good person, a compassionate person, so how’s a bout a little take on my end where all I’ve ever really known is to give, give, give; until it hurts? I’ve been screwed over so many times that it isn’t funny. It was Richard’s time for a little freebie.
But you know what? I couldn’t. I didn’t. I wouldn’t have been able to if it was a million dollar store run by the biggest azzholes on the planet.
I am just not a thief.
But why? What’s the difference? That’s what I was asking myself when she finally came out of the bathroom (I’d been standing there for ten freaking minutes). I didn’t have enough for REAL cigarettes, so I got 2 packs of those little Clipper things (they are only $1.49 a pack, versus $5 a pack for cigarettes). Hey, smoke is smoke when you’re having a nicotine fit! I counted out my $3 in change and gave it to her, and she apologized for making me wait. I thanked her, she “God Blessed” me, and I advised her to lock the door and put a sign on the door or something if she was going to be locked in the latrine. I told her, “Ma’am, I could have robbed you blind. You cannot trust people these days! Please, tighten security up!”
But all the while, I was thinking. What was so foreboding at the thought of a couple of bucks worth of smokes that I just could NOT do it? People do it all the time! I’m not going to burn in hell for taking a few packs of smokes.
But I would have to wake up tomorrow knowing that I did it. I would still be Richard, and I would still be an honorably discharged, partially disabled vet, and I would still be poor. But I’d also be a thief. Not to anyone else, as no one else would have known. But I would have known. And no matter what I ever did to absolve myself, the fact that I stole would never loosen its grip on me. Even if I paid her a thousand times their worth, I would still have stolen; I would still be a thief. Forever.
Life can be really crappy at times. It is for me right now. But the ONE thing that only we can take from ourselves is our integrity. No one else has dominion over that. Only we channel that.
And, yes, I further admit that, in a small way, there is some regret there. I would LOVE to have money for a beer. This is one of two days dedicated to my Infantry service. Do I not deserve a beer for humping it out? But I don’t. I chose to pay instead when I could have stolen. I admit that a very small part of me still wishes that I had gone through with it. At least I am honest to admit to the temptation.
But a man does the right thing when no one is looking.
On this Memorial Day, I am reminded of all those people that did the right thing when no one was looking. All this “I support the troops” crap is just crap if you haven’t the integrity to do the right thing when no one is looking. I don’t care if you were a Navy Seal with the CMO. If you’re acting in a manner that isn’t acceptable just because you CAN, you’re no different than the commie pinkos who are hypocrites. Don’t be a hypocrite.
I never want a penny in my pocket (or items) that I have not EARNED. That would taint not only my service to this nation, but my soul as a man.
But I did not do it, and that tastes oh, so much better than the beer I crave.
How many out there died for this society? Yet we F each other over at every chance we get. That is honoring their memory? What do we tell their ghosts when we act like heathens bent on doing the wrong things just because no one is looking? What does that say about US?
I’m not writing this to listen to a bunch of praise. Keep it. I know I did the right thing. I don’t need it confirmed.
I am writing it to encourage people to always do the right thing regardless of the ease of the circumstances. Yeah, you can lie to your customer about the length of your lunch break because she had left for a bit. Or you can steal cigarettes because you don’t want to be a veteran counting pennies for a bad habit. Or you can accept the wrong amount of change at Wal Mart because, after all, they can afford that extra ten bucks and you can use that extra ten bucks.
But is your integrity worth it?
Is what makes you a man what others see, or what YOU see?
I implore you, take stock in yourselves. No, it will not be easy. And God ain’t going to rain down riches on your head for doing the right thing at all times. The riches come from YOU, my friends; civilian, active duty, reserve or veteran. You’ll have a bit of regret for doing the right thing, just as I am at this very moment. But, in the end, you’ll have increased your true net worth. Nobody can ever take that from you. It is yours, and it is wonderful.
I spoke with my lover last night, and as I explained to her: regret is a question. But remorse is an answer.
It really is that simple.
Think of all those men and women that gave their lives for us. And honor them and yourselves by refusing negative temptation. I’m just a dumb grunt-turned electrician that can’t even do that anymore. But I’ll take the pride in the right thing over the shame of the wrong thing.
While people drove their brand new cars and trucks past me this morning, I limped home from that store with my f-ing head held HIGH, my shoulders squared, and my back straight.
Life took just about everything from me: my wife and kids, my furniture, my money… hell, even my self-respect and my ability to work. But I’ll be damned if it’ll ever get my integrity. That is MINE. And yours is yours. Let those that drive by and see me walking laugh or scoff if they want. I’d rather count pennies for a bad habit than dishonor those that died so I could earn those pennies.
Think about it.
I live in a medium-sized town situated almost exactly center between Dallas and Fort Worth (that's in Texas, for you geographically-challenged out there). I've been here about 4 months or so. Where I live is, essentially, the armpit of the town itself. I have a little hovel I survive in. Every day is a struggle. There are days I cannot eat, saving food in storage so that in 2 days I’ll have something to put in my belly when the REAL hunger pangs hit.
The area I live in is one of those small, rural-town atmospheres where just about everybody knows just about everybody else. Except for outsiders like me. We are about 99% Hispanic in this area, and I am a small, scrawny, tattooed white boy. The only thing I have in common with these people is that I am poor.
Because my truck is in AZ, and because I have a leg that doesn't work more often than it does work, I am extremely limited in when I can work - I am dirt poor. But money is overrated.
This morning, Memorial Day, I took a walk to one of the little stores around here. It's about a quarter mile away, but the lady that runs the joint is very sweet and VERY Christian. If you walk away before you get a "God bless you!" she will literally chase you outside to say it. The weather here is just magnificent right now, and I needed cigarettes (I know, I know...), and since she's close I hoofed it on up there sporting my high and tight and my Army shirt and boots.
But when I got inside, the lady (who I had seen walk inside) was nowhere to be found. I called out to her to no avail at first. And I will admit this before God and my peers: I was tempted to steal what my habit was craving and just leave. She has one video camera, but you can see the picture behind the counter, and it is focused on the parking lot - NOT inside the store. There, she has zip. It is extremely easy to take what you need and duck the camera.
And I was VERY tempted. Very. Just stuff a few packs of smokes in my pocket and maybe a few beers and leave. Nasty habits call for nasty measures.
But I kept calling out to her, as I was getting worried. VERY worried. Had she slipped and fallen? Was she being robbed (the very thing I was considering)? What the HELL, Batman?
Finally she calls back in a very muffled voice. I couldn't hear her, really - her voice, yes, but not her words. So I yelled, "Ma'am, are you ok? Do you need help?"
She was in the bathroom.
Oh, OK. Cool. So I stood there and waited... and waited... and waited...
10 minutes - literally. And DAMN did I want to grab some smokes and run. I haven't felt temptation like that for a very long time. No one would know. She doesn't know me. I wasn't being recorded. I know the shortcuts home. Would she really miss a couple of beers and a couple packs of smokes? I wouldn't touch the money, of course. No. But some beer and smokes? Why not? She has so much and I have so little. And I'm a vet - I have earned a little freebie here and there, right? I was about to embarrass myself to count pennies out for a pack of smokes, as pennies and a bit of silver is all I had. I don’t deserve to be embarrassed like that! Back when I had money, didn’t I hand it out those that hand none like candy? I’m a good person, a compassionate person, so how’s a bout a little take on my end where all I’ve ever really known is to give, give, give; until it hurts? I’ve been screwed over so many times that it isn’t funny. It was Richard’s time for a little freebie.
But you know what? I couldn’t. I didn’t. I wouldn’t have been able to if it was a million dollar store run by the biggest azzholes on the planet.
I am just not a thief.
But why? What’s the difference? That’s what I was asking myself when she finally came out of the bathroom (I’d been standing there for ten freaking minutes). I didn’t have enough for REAL cigarettes, so I got 2 packs of those little Clipper things (they are only $1.49 a pack, versus $5 a pack for cigarettes). Hey, smoke is smoke when you’re having a nicotine fit! I counted out my $3 in change and gave it to her, and she apologized for making me wait. I thanked her, she “God Blessed” me, and I advised her to lock the door and put a sign on the door or something if she was going to be locked in the latrine. I told her, “Ma’am, I could have robbed you blind. You cannot trust people these days! Please, tighten security up!”
But all the while, I was thinking. What was so foreboding at the thought of a couple of bucks worth of smokes that I just could NOT do it? People do it all the time! I’m not going to burn in hell for taking a few packs of smokes.
But I would have to wake up tomorrow knowing that I did it. I would still be Richard, and I would still be an honorably discharged, partially disabled vet, and I would still be poor. But I’d also be a thief. Not to anyone else, as no one else would have known. But I would have known. And no matter what I ever did to absolve myself, the fact that I stole would never loosen its grip on me. Even if I paid her a thousand times their worth, I would still have stolen; I would still be a thief. Forever.
Life can be really crappy at times. It is for me right now. But the ONE thing that only we can take from ourselves is our integrity. No one else has dominion over that. Only we channel that.
And, yes, I further admit that, in a small way, there is some regret there. I would LOVE to have money for a beer. This is one of two days dedicated to my Infantry service. Do I not deserve a beer for humping it out? But I don’t. I chose to pay instead when I could have stolen. I admit that a very small part of me still wishes that I had gone through with it. At least I am honest to admit to the temptation.
But a man does the right thing when no one is looking.
On this Memorial Day, I am reminded of all those people that did the right thing when no one was looking. All this “I support the troops” crap is just crap if you haven’t the integrity to do the right thing when no one is looking. I don’t care if you were a Navy Seal with the CMO. If you’re acting in a manner that isn’t acceptable just because you CAN, you’re no different than the commie pinkos who are hypocrites. Don’t be a hypocrite.
I never want a penny in my pocket (or items) that I have not EARNED. That would taint not only my service to this nation, but my soul as a man.
But I did not do it, and that tastes oh, so much better than the beer I crave.
How many out there died for this society? Yet we F each other over at every chance we get. That is honoring their memory? What do we tell their ghosts when we act like heathens bent on doing the wrong things just because no one is looking? What does that say about US?
I’m not writing this to listen to a bunch of praise. Keep it. I know I did the right thing. I don’t need it confirmed.
I am writing it to encourage people to always do the right thing regardless of the ease of the circumstances. Yeah, you can lie to your customer about the length of your lunch break because she had left for a bit. Or you can steal cigarettes because you don’t want to be a veteran counting pennies for a bad habit. Or you can accept the wrong amount of change at Wal Mart because, after all, they can afford that extra ten bucks and you can use that extra ten bucks.
But is your integrity worth it?
Is what makes you a man what others see, or what YOU see?
I implore you, take stock in yourselves. No, it will not be easy. And God ain’t going to rain down riches on your head for doing the right thing at all times. The riches come from YOU, my friends; civilian, active duty, reserve or veteran. You’ll have a bit of regret for doing the right thing, just as I am at this very moment. But, in the end, you’ll have increased your true net worth. Nobody can ever take that from you. It is yours, and it is wonderful.
I spoke with my lover last night, and as I explained to her: regret is a question. But remorse is an answer.
It really is that simple.
Think of all those men and women that gave their lives for us. And honor them and yourselves by refusing negative temptation. I’m just a dumb grunt-turned electrician that can’t even do that anymore. But I’ll take the pride in the right thing over the shame of the wrong thing.
While people drove their brand new cars and trucks past me this morning, I limped home from that store with my f-ing head held HIGH, my shoulders squared, and my back straight.
Life took just about everything from me: my wife and kids, my furniture, my money… hell, even my self-respect and my ability to work. But I’ll be damned if it’ll ever get my integrity. That is MINE. And yours is yours. Let those that drive by and see me walking laugh or scoff if they want. I’d rather count pennies for a bad habit than dishonor those that died so I could earn those pennies.
Think about it.
