How are children suppose to be raised?

G

greenarmy1980

Active member
Hypothetically speaking. I am asking all parents to give me ideas as to the new way to raise children. I was beaten when I was growing up and it seemed to have worked. I know that is not politically correct anymore and I need to know how to instill discipline to my children.

Any ideas?
 
A child should always be raised with love and kindness. Sometimes though that means a harsh response to unwanted behavior - especially where safety is concerned. Regular beatings is abuse. A swat on the behind because your kid ran across the street without looking while running away from you is another thing entirely.
 
do everything my dad didn't do.

Being a father kind of scares me since I had a really bad example of one for a father. At least I know what not to do
 
The wooden spoon from my italian parents seemed to have brought me up right. "Hides in a corner and shivers"
 
a good sense of morals should be instilled as quickly as possible.
along with a large helping or responsibility and the ability to have fun without spending money.
cash etc should be in no way stressed to be important,but the importance of relationships should continually stressed
 
well, my dad used the wooden spoon on us, well, the first 3 children, and we're fine, but the 4th, man, hes never gotten spanked in his entire life, and he thinks he can get away with anything, and he does!! maybe this is just sibling rivalry, but he is the most arrogant and cocky little kid iv ever met, and he gets away with it. also, one thing that i think should be done is to reward kids for good deeds, or just getting their chores done on time. my mom said i had to have everything done on time without having to be told, at all. needless to say, i think that these criteria were a little to demanding, but thats just me. so i guess what im saying is have a regular rewards system-thingy to give the kids something to work for. thats my 2 cents.


ps these ideas are not based on my own experience
 
How about "Counseling", anyone in the army knows that counseling is a good way to mentor subordinates. How about something like that for Children? I mean it is something that I know how to do so I would have to learn to apply it in another practical day-to-day.
 
I think being an example of what you expect from your kids is the one sure fire way of instilling morals. They're not born knowing right from wrong but you can sure show them the right path whether they take it or not. Also, a child has pretty well formed a basic personality by three years old so start as soon as you can.

This all goes with a caveat. Not all children are alike and what works with one may not work with another. All four of my Grandsons are as different as night and day. If you want a Lyle and Eric Menendez, give them everything they could possibly want (not need) just to get them out of your and your wife's hair.
 
Ok I have my own Ideas on this even though I'm not a parent (I'm studying child psychology).
1. Spankings tend to instil a sense of fear, of the person the child is being spanked by or object the child is being spanked with, in the child's mind. Spanking with a hand sometimes teaches children to relate the parents touch as punishment especially among younger children so its always better to use an object (believe it or not) such as a belt or paddle so the child relates that object to being punished. I'm not saying that spanking your children is a bad thing but doing it all the time or out of anger is not discipline but abuse. It is never ok to use spankings to take out anger even if that anger is towards the behavior of the child. A child relates that anger as you being angry at them.
2. Rewards for positive behavior also are a great idea but then again you can't reward a child for every positive behavior. The same is true for punishments for bad behavior if you over use punishments such as time outs or extra jobs around the house they become meaningless and the bad behavior will continue. I've found that (I'm a teacher at a day care) that if you reward for correcting a negative behavior or for continual positive behavior it works better. Also some type of rewards system such as, giving stars for good behavior and so many gold stars gets them an new toy or for a clean room everyday in a week they get to have an extra cookie after dinner work great. Visual charts may take time to make but children learn by seeing images better then by words.
3. Bribing or appeasing a negative behavior is something you really want to avoid. For example If a child is screaming for something or just for attention while you are trying to do something important and you stop what your doing and give them what the want to get them to stop that is enforcing that negative behavior and they will continue to use this screaming/whining/crying method because it produced results in the past.

Most of this is common sense I'm sure, but I see parents everyday who are doing some of these things and in turn raising some of the most bratty self-centered kids I've ever had to deal with. The number one thing that you want to remember is to have a "overall positive regard" in other words let your child know that no matter what the child does or doesn't do you love them and that will never change. To adults this may be an obvious thing but children need to hear that you are angry at the behavior not them.

I hope this helps you. I don't know how old your children are but most of the things I've told you about are for younger children in the beginning stages of learning. You have to teach children discipline young because at a certain age the capacity to learn lessens dramatically plus when puberty hits it's really too late because of the rebellion issue. I suggest you research Kolberg's stages of child development for more information.
 
i'm not a parent but best advice i can give is there are classes out there as well as books you can read on better ways to raise children, i work at a hospital and we offer courses to new parents
 
I am a parent of two girls 17 and 4.

I and my wife believe in setting limits. And more importantly enforcing those limits and addressing negative behavior. First by speaking to the child and second by ethier grounding , restricting and if necessary Yes spanking.
 
What to do
1. Mentor your child
2. You are the role model
3. Demonstrate by living up to values that you expect your child to live up too.
4. Teach your children limits and boundaries.
5. The occasional corporal punishment should be utilized with an object not with ones hand.

So far I have what not to do
1. Do not put children in the trunk of the car if they were bad.
2. Do not leave the children in the car when at the grocery store.
3. Do not allow children to go to the park unattended.

I take it this is not a good way to raise children.....
http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/07/12/kids.trunk.ap/index.html
 
but despite all that talk about how to raise a kid properly, this quote is sooo true:
"There are three ways to get something done: (1) Do it yourself. (2) Hire someone to do it for you. (3) Forbid your kids to do it - Anon"
 
greenarmy1980 said:
Not stuffing them in a trunk, but taking care of them, nurturing them...
Click to expand...

Ask yourself this, if not me, then who else will do it. I've seen Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, and Step-parents take on the role and do a great job.
 
I don't know that there is any one way children are supposed to be raised. A good mix of tenderness, caring, discipline, hard work and responsibility seems to be the best method for me.

My wife and I spend a lot of time instilling morals through experience. Kids will make mistakes and do bad things, and sometimes, you do have to punish them - it may mean a spanking, elevating their feet and knocking out push ups, digging out the fence posts and putting them back, or even the dreaded "we have to talk" method. No matter the punishment, I believe the key is making certain a) you are never angry/emotional when you punish and b) your children always know, whether being good or bad, that you love them.

Being a good example yourself is a huge help in the development of a child. My wife and I always come through on promises that we make, and I never allow my children to see me do something I would tell them not to do. Cursing is good example of that.

It is difficult to raise your children "right." Eventually, they will have to begin making choices for themselves, and all you can do is hope that what you have taught them and instilled in them will help to guide them - and if they do make a mistake, that they trust you enough to come to you about it.

As O3 said, setting limits is very important. I've seen many parents "get tired" and simply give in to their kids. Once you've set limits, stick to them. Kids are like dogs in the sense that if they see weakness, they will exploit it - and it won't be good for them in the long run.
 
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