Here's another for you all to laugh about!

Some guy knocked on my door today and said, "I have a parcel for your next door neighbour."

I said, "You've got the wrong house then mate."
 
My thoughts exactly:

You know what's sweeter than the sound of a child's laughter?

The sound of silence from not having any fecking kids. :D
 
A Geordie went into a hairdressers and asked for a perm,

The hairdresser said, ''I wandered lonely as a cloud that floats on high........................
 
I'm a terrible human being...

Okay. So, I'm a terrible human being. But this was just too funny... as always, no offence nor harm is intended.

I lost my wife in a car crash yesterday.


It's her own fault for not wearing a seat belt in a convertible, **** knows where she went.
 
An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."

The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"

The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.

Then he quietly explained:

"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any ****ing Frenchmen to show it to."
 
Mick and Paddy were fishing on the Irish shoreline when Mick pulled out a cigar.
Finding he had no matches, he asked Paddy for a light.
'Ya, sure, I tink I haff a lighter,' Paddy replied and then reaching into his tackle
box, he pulled out a bic lighter 10 inches long.


'My God, man!' exclaimed Mick, taking the huge bic lighter in his hands. 'Where'd yew git dat monster?'
‘Well,' replied Paddy, 'I got it from my Genie.'
'You haff a fecking Genie?' Mick asked.
'Ya, sure. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Paddy.
'Could I see him?'
Paddy opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.


Addressing the Genie, Mick says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good pal of your master.
Will you grant me one wish?' 'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So Mick asks the Genie for a million bucks.

The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Mick sitting there waiting for his million bucks.

Shortly, the Irish sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks flying directly overhead.


Over the roar of the one million ducks Mick yells at Paddy,
'What the hell? I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'
Paddy answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hard of hearing.

Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch bic?'
 
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