Here's another for you all to laugh about!

LOL! Good one!

I've finally remembered the word that I've been thinking about for two weeks.

It's 'fortnight.'
 
Our family surname is "Daniels". So rather hilariously we named our first child Jack.

She hates it.
 
I saw a bloke putting up a sign over his store that said "Shoo Shop."

I went over to tell him that it was spelt wrong.

He told me to f*ck off and chased me away.
 
Newton's third law of Emotion: For every male action, there is a female overreaction.

Is this about right, all you poor married men?
 
hawky94 said:
Newton's third law of Emotion: For every male action, there is a female overreaction.

Is this about right, all you poor married men?
Click to expand...

Give me your address, and I'll someone to bash you!!! :evil:

Oh... what the hell, I'll go myself, we'll have beer first, then I bash you...:drink:
 
Oh, and I have a slightly naughtier one!

When I die, I want to die peacefully, in my sleep. Just like my grandfather.

Which, is more than can be said for the passengers on the plane that he was flying.

No offence is intended...
 
hawky94 said:
Oh, and I have a slightly naughtier one!

When I die, I want to die peacefully, in my sleep. Just like my grandfather.

Which, is more than can be said for the passengers on the plane that he was flying.

No offence is intended...
Click to expand...

:lol: :lol:
 
I'm dying... another naughty one. AND NOT A TRUE STORY, EITHER. BEFORE YOU LOT GET ANY IDEAS! :D

I was telling my mate about a girl I'd slept with.

"Which state?", he asked.

"Oh, she was unconscious."
 
"What are you watching?"

"Loose Women."

"Who's on this week?"

"They haven't stopped moaning, so I'm guessing all four of them." :D
 
I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."
 
My wife says she's leaving me because of my addiction to antidepressants.

Won't be needing them anymore then.
 
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
 
I was supposed to be going away for Christmas.

But because of the bad weather..

...they've now postponed the trial till after the New Year
 
hawky94 said:
I was supposed to be going away for Christmas.

But because of the bad weather..

...they've now postponed the trial till after the New Year
Click to expand...


Thats a good one...

Heres another..
A 75-year-old woman went to the doctor for a check up. The doctor told her she needed more cardiovascular activity, and recommended that she engage in sexual activity three times a week. A bit embarrassed, she said to the doctor, "Please tell my husband." The doctor went out into the waiting room and told the husband that his wife needed sex three times a week. The 80-year-old husband replied, "Which days?" The doctor answered, "Monday, Wednesday, and Friday would be ideal. The husband said, "I can bring her on Monday and Wednesday, but on Fridays, she'll have to take the bus." :-D
 
I saw a man sleeping in the doorway of HMV. So, I snuggled in next to him.

They must have a good sale on tomorrow.
 
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