Helpful info on alcohol




 
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Helpful info on alcohol
 
October 10th, 2005  
tomtom22
 
 

Topic: Helpful info on alcohol


Helpful info on alcohol
When I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams if I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

WARNNG: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a fool.
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
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And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

October 11th, 2005  
LIPS
 
 
October 11th, 2005  
Armyjaeger
 
 
Another important warning should be added.

WARNING: the consumption of alcohol often turns men into women, why? after a strong amount of alcohol men become very emotional, they start talking all kind useless things non-stop and driving a car decently is next to impossible
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Helpful info on alcohol
October 11th, 2005  
tomtom22
 
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Armyjaeger
Another important warning should be added.

WARNING: the consumption of alcohol often turns men into women, why? after a strong amount of alcohol men become very emotional, they start talking all kind useless things non-stop and driving a car decently is next to impossible
That's another good one!
October 11th, 2005  
Missileer
 
 
It can also make everyone else's wife look like yours resulting in swollen lips.

Beer is brewed from condoms and boxing gloves.
November 26th, 2007  
Team Infidel
 
 





November 26th, 2007  
pixiedustboo
 
 
LOL, great!
November 27th, 2007  
Sevens
 
 
Nice. LOL
November 28th, 2007  
CrazyLilCajun
 
 
hahaha...