Fictional Military Stories




 
--
Boots
 
February 27th, 2004  
I.Y.A.A.Y.A.S
 

Topic: Fictional Military Stories


A Tree's privates
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk started yelling suddenly.

He was quickly spotted by a visiting general.

"You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"

"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But When two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' --- that did it."


Sick Soldiers

An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks "What's your problem, Soldier?"

"Chronic syphilis, Sir"

"What treatment are you getting?"

"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."

"What's your ambition?"

"To get back to the front, Sir."

"Good man." says the Major.

He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"

"Chronic piles, Sir"

"What treatment are you getting?"

"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."

"What's your ambition?"

"To get back to the front, Sir."

"Good man." says the Major.

He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"

"Chronic gum disease, Sir"

"What treatment are you getting?"

"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."

"What's your ambition?"

"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"


Bad News

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.

A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died.
You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "OK, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "NOT SO FAST, McGRATH!"
February 27th, 2004  
I.Y.A.A.Y.A.S
 

Topic: here is a few more


New chemical warfare

An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"

"Sure. That's easy," said one man.

"What is it?"

"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."

"What, what?" reasked the instructor.

"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.


Painting shows it all

At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture.

"What a great realist that painter is!" he exclaimed.

"What painter?"

"The one that painted this picture 'Soldiers at Work'."

"Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren't working at all!"

"That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture


Choose a punishment

Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.

"You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty day's pay," said the officer.

"All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I'll take the money."
February 27th, 2004  
FutureRANGER
 
 
These are great.

Where do you get all this stuff?
--
Boots
January 19th, 2007  
tomtom22
 
 
January 19th, 2007  
Sevens
 
 
Those are good.
January 21st, 2007  
Team Infidel
 
 
those aren't too bad.. funny i guess..
January 24th, 2007  
AFSteliga
 
 
Nice ones.
January 31st, 2007  
MilidarUSMC
 
 
as sad as it is, i was laughing out loud with the mother one.
February 2nd, 2007  
Fox
 
 
HAHAHAHA......I agree with MilidarUSMC. It was so funny but cold. lol