Favourite sayings

The Highway Man

Brit Pack 2I/C
Have any of you got any favourite sayings? My newest favourite came about yesterday when I was ripping the piss out of my manager for being a numb fecker!!! I believe it is by Abraham Lincoln, however I am open to correction. ;)

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open one's mouth and remove all doubt" :D :D :D
 
I love the Winston Churchill quotes, there's a raft of them. To one prominent female MP - she said, "Sir, if I was your wife, I'd poison your coffee!" he replied, "Madam, if I was your husband, I'd drink it!" :D :D :D
 
The same female MP also said to Churchill, "Sir, you are drunk!" he replied, "Madam, you are ugly, I'll be sober in the morning, you will still be ugly!" :D :D :D
 
"There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works."

"Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison."

"Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking."

"To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end."

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

"The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much."

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."

"The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men."

"Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement."

"Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing."
 
“Never lose your sense of wonder and amazement. Never be blasé. Because then, one day, when the really big, and truly important things do come along, you’ll be in a position to appreciate them.” – Jon Hackett “Decipher” by Stel Pavlou

 Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

 Yes, I am an agent for Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

 I’m not bossy, my ideas are just better.

“There comes a point when you just love someone. Not because they’re good, or bad, or anything. You just love them. It doesn’t mean you’ll be together forever. It doesn’t mean you won’t hurt each other. It just means you love them. Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes in spite of it.” - Anita Blake, from Incubus Dreams by Laurell K Hamilton.

• I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

• Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize that you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

Reality and I have had a fundamental differing of opinions. We are currently undergoing a trial separation.

Stupidity isn't punishable by death. If it was, there would be a hell of a population drop."
 
This is one I picked up from an acquaintance who's had some mental health issues, I use it whenever someone isn't actually listening to me when they've asked me a question,
"Sorry, are the voices inside my head bothering you?"

And another one from a friend who was commenting on the younger generation's apparent lack of initiative and ability to reason,
"Yes I'll give you my opinion... I just have to Google it first".
 
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