Engaged to a sailor

[Navygf89]

Well we've been together a year and nine months so far. He went in July 11 and to this day I haven't seen him once. He didn't get a graduation because he didn't pass his PFA in time. And still his family won't drive three hours up and back to bring him home for the weekend because of the financial expenses. I settled for a proposal over the phone October 10th on the agreement he'll do it again in person. I changed my mind about a ring because I don't want to risk it getting lost in the mail, ecspecially as I haven't recieved half the letters he sent me while he was in Basic training. He'll be going down to Pensicola FL as he's an ATO on the 20th of this month.

I knew before he left I'm not made for all this waiting. If I could've just seen him once so far I won't be so bad. I hope he can come home for christmas but I already doubt he'll be able to, I feel he's holding back information and just leading me on by the way he's acting.

I really can't stand all this waiting, to make things worse my need of alot of support is only making his situation worse which I do know is the last thing he needs to focus on. I mean he's not even in his actual A school right? I've tried to break things off for his good but he wants to stay together despite me stressing him out.

And now I'm hearing because of his job he'll be shipped out for a year every three years from my NJROTC Senior Naval Science instructor. And he's hearing it'll only be like ninth months every five years so I don't know what to believe. I want to be with him forever and I know I can manage once we get through all this bull and I can actually be with him in person because he's only ever just an image or a voice which I hate also because it's like he's not real, like he has no substance.

I guess I'm just trying to reach out for some hope and motivation to get me to that point because when I'm in a good mood and can do things it helps him out in return and keeps him going. Someone please help me so I can be better for him, please!

 

[Team Infidel]

Well, first off, I will just be blunt... You're too young to get married. Especially getting married to someone in the military. You are already having doubts about being separated for periods of time. How do you plan on dealing with that?

Trust me, I have been in the military for many years and have seen what happens to young soldiers that get married too soon. It ends in disaster most of the time.

Even seasoned soldiers and their families have difficulty holding it together.

You both need to do some serious soul searching before you even think of your next move. Don't do anything stupid.

Sorry for being so blunt, but that's the beauty of the internet.

 

[AJChenMPH]

I'll second the Major's sentiments.

First, you're in NJROTC -- which means you're still in high school. I didn't get married until I was 34, and in a way, I still feel like I was too young.

Second, you're boyfriend/fiance is in the Navy. Unless he's in some specialized occupation that's always land-locked, figure the routine deployment schedule is somewhere between three months and six months for any given year. Marrying someone in the Navy will mean he's gone a lot.

Third, it sounds like you've got trust issues if you feel like he's holding something back. Ain't no way a marriage will survive if there are trust issues.

I get deployed a lot as well, but only for several weeks at a time -- and THAT's tough on my wife. And we don't even have children -- so factor the absences in if you're planning on starting a family.

Sorry -- between the Major and myself, we're too old to sugarcoat your situation and make everything rosy. It's only when you see all the warts and are still willing to stick it out that you'll build a strong relationship. That said, I do hope that you're able to resolve your differences and hope that things will work out one way or the other.

 

[A Can of Man]

The only reason I married relatively early was because the woman was already on the other side of thirty.
Life is going to be hard when I get back in.

 

[Damien435]

Not to dump it on here but AJ and TI are dead on here. High School is way too early to even be thinking about in any way other than the abstract "This is my dream wedding." way that all girls start to do at the age of 12. You're what, 17, 18 years old? You have way too much to experience yet in life before the discussion of marriage should even be considered in a serious manner. I had a teacher in high school who said it best, "Teenagers are incapable of thinking beyond next tuesday."

It's not a crime to be young and I don't want you to feel like you're being attacked here, but you're just not old enough to be having these conversations with your boy friend. Give it a couple years at least, if he is the one you two will still be together and you'll be able to drink at your own wedding, if you two separate then that means it wasn't meant to be. If your boyfriend is not planning to make a carreer out of the military I would advise you to wait until after his term of enlistment is up to get married. I know that four years may seem like a long time, but consider this, I joined the Army at the age of 17 and if I hadn't torn my ACL and been discharged I would be barely one year short of either re-enlisting or leaving the Army and the last four years have flown by.

To sum up my view, your first and only priority at this point should be graduating from high school with the best grades possible to leave yourself with as many post-secondary options as possible whether that be military, college or the work force.

 

[A Can of Man]

Live a little more, learn more about people, the world etc.
Then consider getting married.
4 years is a long time.
3 1/2 years ago I walked through the gates of the Marine Corps Bootcamp in Pohang. Since then, I've smashed both my knees, gotten an honorable discharge with the completion of the 2 year contract, gotten married, have a kid and am re-enlisting into the Army. And believe me, my life right now is NOTHING like I thought it would be even a year ago.
See the world a bit more.
And one more thing. Every guy is a jerk. Consider meeting one when you're personally and financially more secure. You want to meet a man while on terms that say "I can live without you." It's like this, if I had a daughter would there have been any of the guys I knew in high school or college (if we completely ignore age and only consider personality) I would have thought would be worthy of going out with her? The answer is No.