Don't ask Aussies stupid questions




 
--
Don't ask Aussies stupid questions
 
December 5th, 2011  
BritinBritain
 
 

Topic: Don't ask Aussies stupid questions


Don't ask Aussies stupid questions
I found this which amused me no end.

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A :We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.


Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA)
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK)
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do..

Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.

Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
December 5th, 2011  
viper2007
 
 
Hey... that is really good!

I heard a lot about Australia's humor, and encountered some when I was in Brisbane...

They are a cheery bunch...
December 5th, 2011  
84RFK
 
 
Hil-Lar-Ious!!!
--
Don't ask Aussies stupid questions
December 5th, 2011  
muscogeemike
 
Love this! If a U.S. official said something like this he/she would be crucified.
December 5th, 2011  
MontyB
 
 
Yes but lets not forget these people exist everywhere after all it was an Aussie woman that once asked me "What day does Friday the 13th fall on this year".
December 6th, 2011  
senojekips
 
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BritinAfrica
Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
I really like this example, but unfortunately I feel that it is becoming far less representative of our population, as I now regularly read in the papers of idiots who have lost their life's savings investing in get rich quick schemes, usually recommended to them via email by people they've never heard of. Only this week two cases on "A Current Affair" where a retired lady lost $600,000 and a bloke lost half that amount, The only saving grace for my pride was that the lady had an eastern European accent and the other one was from the sub continent. (They're not real Aussies y'see)

Every time I see something like this I feel like just knocking on people's doors and asking them to give me all their money. I'm sure I'd eventually find a few fools that would do it.
December 7th, 2011  
viper2007
 
 
You know... you've got to love and admire those who has the courage to dish out response to some of the question that naive people asked. I think to some extend, they deserved being responded to in that way...

When I had to go to Australia to escort a patient back to Singapore, some years back, I encountered a rather pompous (in my opinion) immigration official at the airport. Mind you, the passport that I had was a new one, I just had my hair cut like a new recruit, spotted a three day unshaven face and the photo was taken with me wearing a white T shirt- all this was done in a hurry...

After looking at the passport for a while, this was the question this gentleman posed to me- "Do you have a criminal record...?" He punctuated teh question with a cold stare...

And I thought, what the heck, just go for it...

I replied, "I am not aware you still need a criminal record to gain entry to Australia..."

He broke in a wide grin, and said, " Welcome to Australia, Sir!"

And I went like... Thank God... (quietly, of course)
December 7th, 2011  
BritinBritain
 
 
I love it Viper lol.
December 7th, 2011  
claylc
 
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by viper2007
You know... you've got to love and admire those who has the courage to dish out response to some of the question that naive people asked. I think to some extend, they deserved being responded to in that way...

When I had to go to Australia to escort a patient back to Singapore, some years back, I encountered a rather pompous (in my opinion) immigration official at the airport. Mind you, the passport that I had was a new one, I just had my hair cut like a new recruit, spotted a three day unshaven face and the photo was taken with me wearing a white T shirt- all this was done in a hurry...

After looking at the passport for a while, this was the question this gentleman posed to me- "Do you have a criminal record...?" He punctuated teh question with a cold stare...

And I thought, what the heck, just go for it...

I replied, "I am not aware you still need a criminal record to gain entry to Australia..."

He broke in a wide grin, and said, " Welcome to Australia, Sir!"

And I went like... Thank God... (quietly, of course)
Three minutes of chuckles at the bottom, but this one was a laugher...

Lonnie Courtney Clay
December 9th, 2011  
Yossarian
 
 
I'd arrive and shout GREETINGS FROM PLANET AMERICA.... Upon any instance of salutations hehe.

Great stuff.
 


Similar Topics
Stupid questions
Questions about the national guard concerning being 18 when in High school and others
Questions
*Joining the Military - Questions Abound - Help Appreciated!
US History course veteran survey questions