Doin' the Long Distance Thing......advice anyone?

Have you ever been involved in a long distance relationship?

  • Yes, but it didn't work out

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Yes, I'm in one right now

    Votes: 1 25.0%

  • No, I don't think long distance relationships would work out

    Votes: 2 50.0%

  • Other

    Votes: 1 25.0%
  • Total voters
    4
CanadianCowgirl

CanadianCowgirl

Active member
Well, I'm a newbie to the world of long distance relationships, and I have to say, so far it's been tough. I was wondering if any of you would be able to give some advice or even share some stories.....

My thoughts are, if you love each other enough, you should be able to make it through anything, but maybe that's just me being a hopeless romantic :oops:
 
Time and distance are enemies of fond memories, just as it is for bad ones. People naturally drift apart when separated for long periods of time. There are a lot of people who never remarry after losing a spouse, especially after a long marriage, but I think that's different.
 
Nice to see all ya'll!

i don't think that distance is the enemy it is the mindset that the individuals have that detirmines the outcome of the relationship. but no matter what happens in the relationship if it is bad you can always use the distance as the scapegoat!!! :lol:
 
i dont think its possible to have a good relationship without physical contact. i dont mean sex, but it has to be there. without that, whats the difference between that person and a friend? you have all read those posts listing all the cute and mooshy stuff couples do. as cheesy as it may seem, its true. you do need to hold hands, you do need to tickle her, you do need to hug, to kiss. that just the way it is.

take of that what you will. just my 2 cents.
 
I was in a long-distance relationship for the last six months of my active duty enlistment. 16 years later I'm in my 15th year of marriage with that lady. To be honest, I've felt farther away from my wife the last couple of years than I did during that 6 month period. Our secret was to be overly communicative, at least one card every week (that was before email), and a phone call every week or so.

I don't mean talk, talk, talk. I mean really sharing thoughts, ideas, dreams. Set goals just like you would if you two were seeing each other all the time. Don't allow your relationship to live off memories: share new experiences with each other. Heck, people develop relationships all the time these days over the Internet. Email and chat rooms can help a lot.

Good luck!
 
A very important feature of a successful long distance relationship can be a known and deadset end date. There needs to be a concrete time at which it will cease to be a long distance relationship. Other than that the other words of wisdom, especially from Ironhorseredleg, is very sound advice. Just remember relationships are as individual as the people who comprise them and you need to find what works for you two.
 
ironhorseredleg said:
Our secret was to be overly communicative, at least one card every week (that was before email), and a phone call every week or so.
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Well, even though we've got e-mail nowadays, I still try and send my boyfriend a letter or card every week, just to let him know I'm thinking about him. It seems to work because when I get to talk to him on the phone he's always thankful for them, and he always leaves a message on my phone if I can't find time to call him...

We get to spend holidays together, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc, and I'm hoping it's enough to get us through the next little while that we have to spend apart....
 
Is he a member of this forum? Seems like a great place to share ideas and learn a little about how each other feels and thinks.

Just a thought.
 
ohhhhhhh i get it now. you were together but now you are away. ok. that makes a lot more sense now. i thought you two had met online or something and are now trying to work something out. those never work

but in your case, it shouldnt be too hard. it all comes down to trust. can you trust him? and can he trust you? you best friend in a time like this can be V-chat. if you both can get a webcam going, it will be like you both are together. seeing the other live is a great morale boost.
 
Behemoth is right on. If there is any distrust, a long-distance relationship is doomed. Doubts will creep in and without being together, you'll each end up thinking the worst. Don't give him any reason to doubt you, and don't act like you doubt him (actually not doubting him would be even better :)
 
Well there's no doubts so far, I don't like to be suspicious for no reason, it just makes things harder in my opinion. I find when you start having doubts/suspicions that's when things start to get tough
 
I've been in a long distance relationship for two years now, whenever i wanna see her, it takes 2 hours each way and £20, about $40 i think. we used to write eachother all the time, but we both got busyer and dont have time, though i speak to her everyday either on the phone or by txt and its goin great i have to say. if you both want it to happen, then it really will.

Jim
 
hey girl..i'm in one right now..dating my marine...its hard i have to say but i love him and to me love has no distance and it has no time...if you really care about someone then you are willing to put up with the long distance...just hang in there and be strong...i promise it will get better :) although it's hard, just know he loves you too.
 
Voted "other" because have been in one (over countries) for more than a decade, and yes, it worked out : Every year once each 4 (MAR-JUN) + 3 (SEP-NOV) month abroad, interrupted by once each 2+3 month at home: The only friction (and a usual one) occured at the first week of coming home, when we had to adjust our different schedules anew to fit. No extramarital affairs took place in those 12 years that I knew of, we survived on more or less daily (but not regular) phone calls and writing long letters. Even the times at home were divided between our two houses (20 car minutes apart), except WED in her house and FRI-SUN in my house we kept this (realitively) little distance due to work obligations from her side.

We actually cracked up (quite unexpectedly for us both) within 3 years after we decided to end the long range thingy and to permanently live together in one house, turned out the glee of being together could not overcome the sudden disappearance of autonomy, challenge and freedom that went along with the stress of being seperated.

FWIW,

Rattler
 
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Haha, I didn't realize this was such an old topic...oh well, I guess I'll leave my reponse anyway;

sky2979 said:
They never work........hell they dont work while in the same city, lol...
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I very, very much disagree.

Long distance will work. You have to put in a lot of effort and in the end you BOTH have to want it to work. I mean want it with your whole being.

Lunatik lives in Texas and I lived in Michigan for the majority of our relationship. I met him on here (online) August 2008, we met each other June of 2009 for three days. I came back in a month to spend another 7 days with him and then we spent another 7 months apart until I came to see him again in February 2010. Late in May he came to Michigan to visit my family and now I am living with him here in Texas and I have no doubt in my heart that this was meant to be.

It was a really hard and we did have a bump along the way, but it worked out very well for both of us because we both had other things driving us. If you do not have something else to focus on other than your sense of "we are apart" I think it would be hard if not impossible to make it work.

And overall you HAVE to be able to trust your partner. If you don't then worry will eat you up and you'll hurt yourself emotionally and drive the other person away.

Best of luck to you!
 
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I agree with Pixie. If you both want it enough, and trust each other implicitly, you can make it work.
 
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