Pacific Lure
Active member
There was a little girl and her Mother walking through the park one day
and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says,
"Mommy what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm....they are making cakes."
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again, she asks her mother what are they doing, and her mother replies with the same response, "making cakes."
The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mommy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, huh?" Shocked, the Mother asks, "How do you know?"
The little girl says, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and, presto, the blockage will be
removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.
4. For high-blood-pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. So be brief with people.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
Thought for the day:
Some people are like "slinkies". They're not really good for anything; but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says,
"Mommy what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm....they are making cakes."
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again, she asks her mother what are they doing, and her mother replies with the same response, "making cakes."
The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mommy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, huh?" Shocked, the Mother asks, "How do you know?"
The little girl says, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and, presto, the blockage will be
removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.
4. For high-blood-pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. So be brief with people.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
Thought for the day:
Some people are like "slinkies". They're not really good for anything; but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
