Pacific Lure
Active member
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, "Geez, I'd really like to dance with that girl."
The other man replies, "Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken sh*t."
So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, "Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?"
Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "I'm sorry. Right now I'm concentrating on matrimony and I'd rather sit than dance."
So the man humbly returns to his friend.
"So what did she say?" asks the friend.
The drunk responded, "She said she's constipated on macaroni and would rather sh*t in her pants."
No doubt some Bible societies will feel compelled to publish a new
translation of the Holy Scriptures in the newly discovered language
of Ebonics. Here's a head start for them.
EBONICS ENGLISH
Big Daddy's Rap The Lord's Prayer
Yo, Big Daddy upstairs, Our Father, who art in heaven
You be chillin Hallowed be thy name
So be yo hood Thy Kingdom come
You be sayin' it, I be doin' it Thy will be done
In this here hood and yo's On earth as it is in heaven
Gimme some eats bread Give us this day our daily bread
And cut me some slack, Blood And forgive us our trespasses
Sos I be doin' it to dem dat diss me As we forgive those who
trespass against us
Don't be pushing me into no jive And lead us not into temptation
And Keep Dem Crips Away But deliver us from evil
Cause you always be da man, G For thine is the kingdom, forever.
Straight up Amen
This happened in a little town in Mexico and is similar to that of an Alfred Hitchcock tale:
This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark and stormy night. The night was cold and wet and no cars went by. The storm was so strong, he could barely see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car coming towards him and stopped.
The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car, closed the door, and only then realized that there was nobody behind the wheel! The car starts going again, very slowly. The guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared, he starts to pray and begs for his life. Just before the car hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and turns the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared each time the car approached a curve.
Gathering his strength, he gets out of the car and runs all the way to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he goes into a cantina, asks for two shots of Tequila and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went through.
A silence enveloped everyone when they realized the guy was crying hysterically and wasn't drunk. About a half hour later, two other guys walk into the same cantina and one said to the other, "Mira, Pedro. That's the Pendejo that got in the car while we were pushing it!"
The other man replies, "Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken sh*t."
So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, "Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?"
Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "I'm sorry. Right now I'm concentrating on matrimony and I'd rather sit than dance."
So the man humbly returns to his friend.
"So what did she say?" asks the friend.
The drunk responded, "She said she's constipated on macaroni and would rather sh*t in her pants."
No doubt some Bible societies will feel compelled to publish a new
translation of the Holy Scriptures in the newly discovered language
of Ebonics. Here's a head start for them.
EBONICS ENGLISH
Big Daddy's Rap The Lord's Prayer
Yo, Big Daddy upstairs, Our Father, who art in heaven
You be chillin Hallowed be thy name
So be yo hood Thy Kingdom come
You be sayin' it, I be doin' it Thy will be done
In this here hood and yo's On earth as it is in heaven
Gimme some eats bread Give us this day our daily bread
And cut me some slack, Blood And forgive us our trespasses
Sos I be doin' it to dem dat diss me As we forgive those who
trespass against us
Don't be pushing me into no jive And lead us not into temptation
And Keep Dem Crips Away But deliver us from evil
Cause you always be da man, G For thine is the kingdom, forever.
Straight up Amen
This happened in a little town in Mexico and is similar to that of an Alfred Hitchcock tale:
This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark and stormy night. The night was cold and wet and no cars went by. The storm was so strong, he could barely see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car coming towards him and stopped.
The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car, closed the door, and only then realized that there was nobody behind the wheel! The car starts going again, very slowly. The guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared, he starts to pray and begs for his life. Just before the car hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and turns the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared each time the car approached a curve.
Gathering his strength, he gets out of the car and runs all the way to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he goes into a cantina, asks for two shots of Tequila and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went through.
A silence enveloped everyone when they realized the guy was crying hysterically and wasn't drunk. About a half hour later, two other guys walk into the same cantina and one said to the other, "Mira, Pedro. That's the Pendejo that got in the car while we were pushing it!"
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