Close Encounters of the Macho Kind

Close Encounters of the Macho Kind
June 5th, 2011  

Topic: Close Encounters of the Macho Kind

Close Encounters of the Macho Kind
A big to-do is in progress in Hollywood, all of the biggest Hollywood stars are in attendance. Chuck Norris stands at the center of the ballroom, in a relaxed poise.

Sylvester Stallone sneaks up behind Chuck and softly whispers "Sssss lit". Chuck softly whispers back "look down". Sylvester looks down and sees that Chuck's left hand is fractions of an inch from his manhood, poised to strike. Sylvester staggers away.

Arnold Schwarzenegger swaggers up to Chuck and says "Hi". Chuck mumbles lowly "yeah". Arnold's brow furrows in puzzlement and he says "What?". Chuck says "Company". Arnold glances around, sees nobody nearby, then looks behind himself. There stands William Shatner with Leonard Nimoy at his side. Arnold says "Oh - there's somebody I need to talk with" and hastily departs.

The big boys look each other over, smiling softly. Leonard says "You'll do" and William says "As is". Chuck nods gratefully and looks down bashfully. The GREAT ones depart, circulating likes a meteor storm through the crowd.

Just when Chuck is beginning to relax, he is startled by a hand from behind softly stroking his buttocks. He leaps forward, whirling about, and there stands Sigourney Weaver, a broad grin on her face. Chuck blushes furiously saying "Excuse me!" in a strangled squeak and rushes off to the men's room to clean his pants.

Danny Glover moseys up to Sigourney and says "Your move." very quietly. Sigourney says "I'll be back later" and goes off to refill her drink.

Morgan Freeman and Clint Eastwood saunter up to Danny. Without a word, Danny slouches off, but Morgan feels too modest to stand at the center of the room, and goes off with Danny to sample the hor-derves.

Clint stands silently at the center of the room, utterly relaxed. From time to time a waiter approaches to refill his drink, or shy supplicants approach to beg his blessing. From time to time he locks eyes with Sigourney, who dithers nearby until she is rescued from her humiliation by Chuck.

Eventually the party starts to wind down. Clint moseys off to the mens room, pants bulging. Sylvester slinks to the center and looks around defiantly. Nobody notices. The band plays on.

Lonnie Courtney Clay
I give permission for this original joke fantasy to be freely distributed, with attribution.

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