Church Bulletins

Team Infidel

Forum Spin Doctor
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These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services

Ø The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

Ø The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus."

Ø Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ø Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

Ø Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Ø For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Ø Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Ø Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

Ø The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

Ø At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Ø Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Ø Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Ø Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Ø The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Ø Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

Ø The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Ø Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Ø The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Ø Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

Ø The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Ø Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Ø The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new financial campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours
 
All of them gems, but I liked this one best...

Ø The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus."

:twisted: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
I love this one:
Ø Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children
ROFLMAO!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
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