Christmas Jokes




 
--
Boots
 
November 29th, 2012  
viper2007
 
 

Topic: Christmas Jokes


Hi All,

I know Christmas is just round the corner. I would like to take this opportunity to lighten up the spirit...

I will start with one. Do take note that the jokes you post needs to be related to Christmas- anything related to Christmas...

Here goes...

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.


Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.


When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.


Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.


Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.


Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.


The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'


And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.


Not a lot of people know this.
November 30th, 2012  
viper2007
 
 
Here is another one...

A christmas poem for Mom

For all the nights you stayed up late
to trim the Christmas tree,
For all the costly presents
That you purchased just for me...
For all the times you tucked me in
And read me stories too,
For all the ways you cheered me up
When I was feeling blue...
For all the cookies that you baked
And stockings that you stuffed,
For all the messes you cleaned up
And pillows that you fluffed...
For all the days you loved me,
Even when I made it hard,
For all these things,
and much,much more...
Here's a Christmas card!
(Kinda makes it all seem worth it,
doesn't it,Mom?...Mom?)
Merry Christmas!
November 30th, 2012  
MontyB
 
 
Well I am not a xmas guy so two of my favourite xmas songs are...

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTGlUMvbhSw"]The Night Santa Went Crazy - YouTube[/ame]

and

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sy9_JjLnmZI"]Blink-182 - Won't Be Home For Christmas - YouTube[/ame]

However for you traditionalists out there I guess I will leave you with.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbhzqoYYROA"]Royal Guardsmen-Snoopy's Christmas - YouTube[/ame]

Sorry it is as close as I can get in a nation that celebrates it with a sunny summers day and xmas BBQ.
--
Boots
November 30th, 2012  
BritinAfrica
 
 
When I was a bus driver with London Transport I had to work every bloody Christmas day, those of us who had to work had a saying, "Christmas comes but once a ferkin, when it comes I'm ferkin werkin."
November 30th, 2012  
Tankboy
 
 
Not many buses run Xmas day.
Double money and that.
November 30th, 2012  
Capt Frogman
 
 
You'd have to be a miserable sh*t to volunteer to work on Xmas day.

I'm working on Xmas day.
November 30th, 2012  
Capt Frogman
 
 
Christmas - the only time of the year when parents allow a fat bearded old man to empty his sack in their children's bedrooms....

November 30th, 2012  
The Highway Man
 
 
I take it you mean bearded? The Hovis man is nothing to do with Christmas.
November 30th, 2012  
Capt Frogman
 
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Highway Man
I take it you mean bearded? The Hovis man is nothing to do with Christmas.
You should have quoted it, because I don't know what you're talking about!

I blame iPhone autocorrect.
November 30th, 2012  
Capt Frogman
 
 
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B05TEO9pFbQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player"]IRN BRU Snowman Flies Over Scotland - YouTube[/ame]

Much better than the original!
 


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