Christmas Jokes

viper2007

Active member
Hi All,

I know Christmas is just round the corner. I would like to take this opportunity to lighten up the spirit...

I will start with one. Do take note that the jokes you post needs to be related to Christmas- anything related to Christmas...

Here goes...

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.


Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.


When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.


Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.


Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.


Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.


The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'


And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.


Not a lot of people know this.
 
Here is another one...

A christmas poem for Mom

For all the nights you stayed up late
to trim the Christmas tree,
For all the costly presents
That you purchased just for me...
For all the times you tucked me in
And read me stories too,
For all the ways you cheered me up
When I was feeling blue...
For all the cookies that you baked
And stockings that you stuffed,
For all the messes you cleaned up
And pillows that you fluffed...
For all the days you loved me,
Even when I made it hard,
For all these things,
and much,much more...
Here's a Christmas card!
(Kinda makes it all seem worth it,
doesn't it,Mom?...Mom?)
Merry Christmas!
 
Well I am not a xmas guy so two of my favourite xmas songs are...

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTGlUMvbhSw"]The Night Santa Went Crazy - YouTube[/ame]

and

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sy9_JjLnmZI"]Blink-182 - Won't Be Home For Christmas - YouTube[/ame]

However for you traditionalists out there I guess I will leave you with.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbhzqoYYROA"]Royal Guardsmen-Snoopy's Christmas - YouTube[/ame]

Sorry it is as close as I can get in a nation that celebrates it with a sunny summers day and xmas BBQ.
 
When I was a bus driver with London Transport I had to work every bloody Christmas day, those of us who had to work had a saying, "Christmas comes but once a ferkin, when it comes I'm ferkin werkin."
 
You'd have to be a miserable sh*t to volunteer to work on Xmas day.

I'm working on Xmas day. :lol:
 
Christmas - the only time of the year when parents allow a fat bearded old man to empty his sack in their children's bedrooms....

:lol: :lol:
 
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[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B05TEO9pFbQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player"]IRN BRU Snowman Flies Over Scotland - YouTube[/ame]

Much better than the original! ;)
 
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqBF7TiyATo&feature=youtube_gdata_player"]Bo Selecta - Proper Crimbo - YouTube[/ame]

So so wrong but I love it! :lol:
 
75948_384973208254251_620711477_n.jpg
 
Google Hey santa claus by Kevin Wilson, i'd have linked to the video but it has a swear word on the front page. :shock:

Not Suitable For Work (or small kiddies as it has rude words!!! :D )
 
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Oh I've got one! This one's a bit terrible, but oh well...

What do orphan's get at Christmas?

Lonely... (I did warn you) - Cue collective groan.
 
I'm working too, I got shafted by management, they said if I withdrew my leave request last year, I'd get this year off. They reneged so next year I'm sick for both if I don't get leave.
 
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