Beijing English - Chinese hotel brochure

October 22nd, 2013  

Topic: Beijing English - Chinese hotel brochure

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English……….
Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! . You wi ll not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above all:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."
October 22nd, 2013  
hehe there are always interesting results when using literal translations of Asian languages to English.

I have often wondered how well English is translated into other languages, I suspect it is the same.
November 3rd, 2013  
Let me laugh in Mandurian.

November 4th, 2013  
When I was stationed in Korea back in the 70's , half of every unit was Korean. Actually I became friends with many of those guys. One day a couple GI were talking about oral sex , eating pussy. This very serious PFC is taking it all in and is totally confused. Finally he asks in perfect English : "Excuse me, but I'm very curious about American customs, and could you explain how it's cooked?" Of course the GI's had to demonstrate . The poor guy almost puked.

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