Because I'm a man...




 
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Boots
 
August 19th, 2005  
Charge 7
 
 

Topic: Because I'm a man...


Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
August 19th, 2005  
Corocotta
 
 
Because I am a man please do not ask me to go shoping with you from store to store. When a man needs clothes he goes to the shop(the same of always) and gets everything in five minutes or less.


*This is real: A friend of my father was so sick of going shoping with his wife that he bought a recorder and recorded: "Yes very beutiful, yes very beutiful, yes very beatiful...", each time his wife asked: Do you like this? he pressed PLAY.
August 21st, 2005  
LIPS
 
 
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Boots
August 25th, 2005  
5.56X45mm
 
 
As a real man. I will hunt, fish, or camp. Or do all at the same time. And yes, it's dirty and something cute usually dies for dinner. Bambi is just the main course. Thumper, his rabbit friend is for tomorrows lunch.

As a real man, I will have my areas of the house too. The Garage, Living Room/Den, office, and one Bathroom. The rest of the place can be yours. The backyardc is my domain when it comes to major landscaping not gardening, deckwork, BBQ, and other manly activities.

As a real man, I will drink beer and eat meat. PERIOD!
August 25th, 2005  
Locke
 
 
drinks beer, breaks wind

good post
August 25th, 2005  
C/2nd Lt Robot
 
 
*Breaks wind, scratches butt, belches* I think this has been posted before.
August 26th, 2005  
Charge 7
 
 
I won't stake any claims on originality, but I did do a search before posting.
August 26th, 2005  
C/2nd Lt Robot
 
 
http://www.military-quotes.com/forum...&highlight=man It was in the Military Jokes Forum
August 26th, 2005  
Charge 7
 
 
Okay so it's Redneck's fault for incorrectly placing the joke. I didn't search the military jokes as this isn't one.

Nice to know I'm completely blameless, thanks Robot!
August 27th, 2005  
tomtom22
 
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cadet Chief Robot
*Breaks wind, scratches butt, belches* I think this has been posted before.
Who cares, it's funny!