Battle of the suds -

December 6th, 2005  
Chief Bones

Topic: Battle of the suds -

While stationed in Bermuda (NAS Bermuda), my wife and I were tasked by my Lieutenant's wife to keep an eye on him while she was back on the "main land".

SOOOOO - being the squared away sailor that I was, my wife and I went to the Lieutenant's quarters to check on him, knocked on the door, and were welcomed in by a disheveled Lieutenant. After being loudly and stridently welcomed by his Green Parrot, we discovered what caused the Lt. to be sweating so heavily and breathing so hard.

It seems Lt decided to clean the dishes in the dishwasher and filled both of the detergent holders with a "concentrated" dish washing detergent that was meant to be used in the sink - not in a dishwasher. Just to make sure that the dishes really came clean (they were in the dishwasher for two weeks and there wasn't a clean dish in the house) he sprayed detergent onto the dishes themselves which just added to the problem.

Needless to say, the results were rather spectacular. Suds began to flow out from around the door seals at an alarming rate. Then the Lt added to this mayhem by opening the door to the dishwasher before it completed it's cycle with just about the results you would expect - suds exploded out of the machine and piled up almost to his knees almost completely filling the kitchen.

Keep in mind this was the same Lt that decided to go skinny dipping in a Bermudian hotel's fountain pool during the late evening of the Navies 200th Birthday Ball bash. The Lt being a mustang ex-seal, approached this kitchen warfare like the real trooper he was - he decided that what was needed at that moment was an implement that could soak up those blasted suds almost as fast as they were being generated by that blasted dishwasher.

SOOOOO - he went to the hall closet and grabbed his wife's brand new cannister vacuum - just the thing to soak up all of the suds before they made it out to the living room. Remember that blasted parrot - well it didn't just squawk, it knew a few words that often embarrassed the Lt's wife. It began to holler at the top of it's voice "Screwed again" - "Screwed again". (That alone cracked me up!)

The Lt plugged the cannister into a socket in the living room and waded into the kitchen battlefield to wage war on those blasted suds. As you guessed, the vacuum was NOT a wet-dry vacuum, it was a plainjane vacuum with a paper bag to collect dirt. Just what you would expect to happen - did - the bag filled up with suds very fast - the bag got wet - then it exploded - got the motor wet - caused the motor to burn out - kicked out the breaker in the breaker panel - filled the quarters with noxious fumes, and set that stupid parrot to hollering "Screwed again" - "Screwed again" - again. (Picture me rolling on the floor with tears streaming down my face and my wife holding her sides as she tried to keep from laughing).

When the Lt's wife arrived home (the same day), her brand new vacuum was nowhere to be found. The Lt had gone to the Base PX and ordered a brand new (more expensive) vacuum for his wife that would not arrive for at least two weeks. Picture this - a decorated ex-seal turned mustang Lieutenant walking on pins and needles for two weeks, hoping the new vacuum would arrive before he had to explain what had happened to the old (new) vacuum. (Lucky for him it arrived before his wife really needed it and didn't have to explain to her how he'd destroyed it).

My wife and I were in stitches for at least two weeks - we hadn't told the Lt's wife what had happened - it was absolutely hilarious and something I won't soon forget.

For informational purposes: My Lieutenant was aboard USS Forrestal (CV-59) on July 29, 1967, when Forrestal suffered a catastrophic fire that took the lives of 134 of her crew while off the coast of Vietnam conducting combat operations.

Even though he was the butt of this situation for quite sometime, I always respected him as one of the finest officers I have ever had the pleasure serving under. I have lost track of him but know that wherever he is, he is the pilot of his own destiny and a man to "ride the river" with.
December 6th, 2005  

True stories are always better than fiction and that certainly applies here.
Good story, Chief Bones.
December 6th, 2005  
That's priceless.
December 6th, 2005  
sounds like something i would do.
December 6th, 2005  
I've always said -- if you want to screw something up really bad, give it to a Lieutenant to do.
December 8th, 2005  
Bottle of dish detergant: $2.50
Set of dishes (plates and all): $35.00
Dishwashing machine: $125.00
Brand New Vacuum cleaner: $225.00
Cussin' Parrot: $60 (I'm guessin")
Fire Alarm that was (probably) set off: $2.50
Brand new vacuum cleaner to replace one that you destroyed: $325.00
The look on your LT's face when you see the mess he made and hear how he made it: Priceless!!!
December 11th, 2005  
Hey Chief -- what did you charge for keeping quiet about the whole thing?
December 12th, 2005  
Chief Bones

Topic: Zilch

Not one penny - I had and continue to have great respect for the Lt.
One of the finest officers I have ever met.
December 13th, 2005  
Ya know. The first time my wife left me alone in quarters. I did the exact same thing. Never had cleaner decks though
December 14th, 2005  
Chief Bones
Betcha ya never knew there could be that much suds come out of a dishwasher didja?