Air Force Mechanics

[willsrn2000]

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

> (P)=PROBLEM
> (S)=SOLUTION

> (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
> (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

> (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
> (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

> (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
> (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

> (P) Something loose in cockpit
> (S) Something tightened in cockpit

> (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
> (S) Evidence removed

> (P) DME volume unbelievably loud
> (S) Volume set to more believable level

> (P) Dead bugs on windshield
> (S) Live bugs on order

> (P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
> (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

> (P) IFF inoperative
> (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

> (P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
> (S) That's what they're there for

> (P) Number three engine missing
> (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

> (P) Aircraft handles funny
> (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious
> (P) Target Radar hums
> (S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

 

[Yin717]

lmao! Brilliant. Some of them take some thinking to get but I got them all.

 

[Team Infidel]

 

[brinktk]

This was one of the funniest I've read in a while.

 

[USRedLeg]

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

[Yossarian]

:shock:

I knew it was arleady on here somewhere!!!

Great stuff however,

 

[rattler]

And, IIRC, they were not USAF but RAF pilots maintenance squawks quoted from 1972 upwards with different supposed "first" authors, still funny though...

Also, IIRC, the list was way longer, here some more I have posted somehwere on one of my pages:

(P) Autopilot doesn´t.
(S) It does now.

(P) Turn/slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns
(S) Congrats!

(P) Whining sound heard on engine shutdown
(S) Pilot removed from a/c

(P) RHS clock inoperative
(S) Rewound RHS clock

(P) #2 ADF needle runs wild
(S) Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle

(P) Unfamiliar noise from #1 engine
(S) 4 hrs test run on #1 engine performed. Noise now familiar

(P) Three roaches in cabin
(S) One roach KIA, one WIA, one got away

Rattler