213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to do in the US Army

201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.

:D :D

nearly pissed myself reding this lol
 
I wish I could put this on my webpage, and update it. These are sooo good, but I imagine, everyone in this forum could add a few. I thought up about thirty of them just off the top of my head, and i'm just a civi.

for example: Shooting an MP in the a$$ with a concealed water gun, is one of the quickest and funest ways of getting arrested, or cussed depending on her rank. ;)

The actual funest way is to organize and hold a mud wrestling match on the obstacle course.

When asked why I was late to my duty station, the correct response is “Sorry Sir, unaviodablely detained, it won’t happen again Sir.” Not “I had to take a s!!t”, “I was in town getting laid”, “I’m high”, “Because I felt like it”, “Just securing my rack Sir”, and “I’m late.…What the he!! time was I suppose to be here?!!!”.

Barking at a MWD just to pi$$ it off, is inmature, and is "going to comeback to bite me in the a$$ one of these days."

I'm not allowed to sing "If I Could See An Elephant Fly", durning officers PT test.

Yelling "INCOMING" while patroling in the boonies just to see who will duck and cover, makes people want to kick my a$$.

Calvary officer's no longer use horses, so any reference to a horses a$$ isn't nessecary.

A group of soldiers in woodland camo BDU's is a platoon, not "the green boys"

Making a UXO out of soda bottles, fillling it with sand to simulate black power and putting it in bed with my sleeping CO, is not and will never be considered funny.

"Call the president boys, I found a WMD", while frisking a women for weapons, is also not funny.

Spending hours trying to get the only tomb guard you've ever met to cuss is not considered a hobby.

Spending hours with the afore mentioned soldier trying to get him to "knock your God D@*n block off" is also not considered a hobby.

I'm not allowed to start a pool, or give odds on the fights that naturally seem to break out around the X-box in the WMR room.

If I'm ever so bored that I want to hide my roomates personal hygine items ever again, I should go to my CO, he will provide other forms of entainment.

Letting out a HUGE series of farts in a packed APC will get the s**t beat out of you.

Breaking the cardinal rule of not smoking in an APC, no matter how nevrous you are, will also get the s**t beat out of you, well when everyone recovers from breathing the flame retardent chemicals of the fire control system you just set off.

Ok, that's the best ones, Come'on I know y'all know some, or have heard some over the years.
 
that is great, i printed it out and gave it to my major. he hung it up on the wall! :lol: my principal was in the army and hes saying 10 of them everyday on the intercom now!
 
Re: 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to do in the US A

FutureRANGER said:
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.

22. Must never call an SAS a '******'.

26. Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your ass in World War 2!'

61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean ‘I have been promoted three more times than you'.

99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.


124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.

126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.

130. 'I'm drunk' is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.

145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.

206. Not allowed to get shot.
These are so funny I made all of my AFJROTC group laugh with these. These are the funniest IMO
 
I've read the list 3 times now its hilarious!! i especially love these 2

198. Not allowed to lead a 'Coup' during training missions.

205. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")
 
Laughed until the tears came because I am say "In Accordance with the prophesy" when asked a question or when I am asking the question...Opps. LOL...This is great. I love it!
 
Re: 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to do in the US A

Shadow Hunter said:
FutureRANGER said:
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.

22. Must never call an SAS a '******'.

26. Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your ass in World War 2!'

61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean ‘I have been promoted three more times than you'.

99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.


124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.

126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.

130. 'I'm drunk' is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.

145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.

206. Not allowed to get shot.
These are so funny I made all of my AFJROTC group laugh with these. These are the funniest IMO
:lol: :lol:
 
174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it’s actually DOD policy).

is this one seriously true??? but very good post might not be in the armed forces but ill have to try some of these with my ATC staff
 
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