"Sanne" militære historier :)

Send dine egne "sanne" historier til : vitser@military-quotes.com 
Tar gjerne i mot norske historier,
 har planer om en egen side med norsk militær humor.

Statuer
(Sann historie)

Hvis en statue av en person til hest har begge frambena i luften, så døde den personen i kamp.
Hvis hesten har et av frambena i luften, så døde personen etter å ha blitt skadet i kamp.
Hvis hesten har alle fire bena på bakken, så døde personen av naturlige årsaker.

"The Whole 9 Yards.."
(sann historie)

Uttrykket "The whole 9 yards" stammer fra piloter under andre verdenskrig Sør i Stillehavet.
Når de ladet flyene på bakken, så målte 50. mitraljøse ammunisjonen nøyaktig 27 for, før den ble ladet inn i flyet. Hvis piloten fyrte av all ammunisjonen mot et mål, så fikk det "the whole 9 yards.."
Tilbake

Radio Interview with General Reinwald

This is an exact replication of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?" 
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting." 
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?" 
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range." 
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?" 
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm. " 
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers." 
GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you? "

Dette er en vandrehistorie som har gått på Internett, og da spesielt e-mail, noen år.
Denne er ikke sann, NPR benekter at de noensinne har hatt dette intervjuet. :)
Tilbake

U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln and the lighthouse

This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy
aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on
10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

Canadians:  Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision.

Americans:  Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
North to avoid a collision.

Canadians:  Negative.  You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans:  This is the Captain of a US Navy ship.  I say again,
divert YOUR course.

Canadians:  No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans:  THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND
LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET.  WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE  DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT  VESSELS.  I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15  DEGREES
NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR
COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians:  This is a lighthouse.  Your call.

Noen som har fått denne på mail??? :)
Les Official US. Navy denial her
Tilbake

USAF Maintenance Logs

Some (supposedly) actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews...
(source unknown)

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1:"#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't t."
Signed off :"IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed..."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That s what they re there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."