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March 9th, 2005
| Post 1 |
| Nuclear Duck Hunter  | Post; WHY?Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? Why is it that no plastic bag in the supermarket will open from the end you first try? How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures? Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it? The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
__________________ “War is an ugly thing but not the ugliest of things; the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feelings which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse.” —John Stuart Mill |
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March 9th, 2005
| Post 2 | |
| Optio  | Post; Re: WHY?Quote:
__________________ I reject your reality and substitute my own. Win or lose it it up to you, Live or die, it is up to god Mastering others makes you strong, mastering yourself makes you fearless | |
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March 9th, 2005
| Post 3 |
| Master Gunner | Good ones! This may be the best: "Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?"
__________________ "Do not forget your dogs of war, your big guns, which are the most-to-be respected arguments of the rights of kings." - Frederick the Great, King of Prussia  |
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March 9th, 2005
| Post 4 |
| Nuclear Duck Hunter | I've always wondered about the sterilizing procedures before execution by lethal injection. Is the guy going to die of blood poisoning in the next few minutes before he dies of lethal drugs? |
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March 9th, 2005
| Post 5 |
| Optio | For that matter, why don't they let guys on death row smoke? Why can't terminally ill patients have pot or heroin to ease their pain? Are we afraid they'll get hooked and ruin their lives? How do they get non-stick coating to stick to pans? Why is the alphabet in the order it's in? Is it because of the song? How come "monosyllabic"...isn't? What's another word for "synonym"? Where the heck is Channel 1? What was "clockwise" called before we had clocks? What was the best thing before sliced bread? Alexander Graham Bell supposedly invented the first telephone. Wasn't that fairly useless, until he invented the second one? How many tries did it take before sushi chefs figured out which part of the puffer fish wouldn't kill you? Don't you think they would have given up after the first few died? How do "Keep Off The Grass" signs get there? Why do hot dogs come in packs of 12 and rolls in bags of 8? Why are there always 8 bank wickets but only 4 tellers? How far up does the sky actually start? Why is it that despite the three dimensions of space, spaceships -- regardless of planet origin -- always meet head-on and right-side-up relative to each other? It takes the light from the sun -- the nearest star -- approximately 9 minutes to get here. If all the stars disappeared now, we wouldn't see the first one go for almost ten minutes. So how do we know there's really anything up there? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? If a Canadian Navy Acting Second Lieutenant -- a substantive rank -- gets an acting promotion, does he become an Acting Second Lieutenant? Irish monks developed the first whiskey. Dom Perignon, a Benedictine monk, developed the first sparkling champagne. Monasteries and convents around the world craft some of the finest wines, beers, and liqueurs the world has to offer. So why do people say the Church is irrelevant? J.
__________________ \"What are you talking about? One, two, three, fo-- oh, crap.\" - G. Edwin Bergstrom, Arlington VA, 15 Jan 1943 |
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March 10th, 2005
| Post 6 |
| Optio | 'Why do hot dogs come in packs of 12 and rolls in bags of 8?' this one and the church one is very funny 'lol' |
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March 10th, 2005
| Post 7 |
| No Chance Outside | How many tries did it take before sushi chefs figured out which part of the puffer fish wouldn't kill you? Don't you think they would have given up after the first few died? LOL
__________________ I don't exist.  TRESPASSERS WILL BE PROSTITUTED  Next time you travel http://www.epictrip.com |
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March 10th, 2005
| Post 8 | |
| Nuclear Duck Hunter | Quote:
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March 10th, 2005
| Post 9 |
| Master Gunner | I could get in a LOT of trouble with a reply to that question!  |
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March 18th, 2005
| Post 10 |
| Primus Pilus | Why do 24 hour gas stations have locks on the doors? If you choke a smurf what color does it turn?
__________________  I have the toughest Job in the Corps.....Putting up with a Marine! |
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