Walmart job application

This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old man submitted to
Walmart in Arkansas.

They hired him because he was so funny... you gotta love it!!!

NAME:
George Hortons

SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman
(or at least one that will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION:
Company's President or Vice President.
But seriously, whatever's available.
If I was in a position to be picky,
I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY:
$185,000 a year plus stock options
and a Michael Ovitz style severance package.
If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens
and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:
It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to
a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS
THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?
Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here
would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS
OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing
House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy
dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the
greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE....
7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE
AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:

Oh yes, absolutely.

Similar to a McDonalds application posted in this forum.