(From http://andrewhammel.typepad.com/germ...or_world_.html, its translated from an article in german satire magazine Titanic)


Don't even think about it!
As a World Cup tourist from some underdeveloped region of the world, you should know: not all Germans are Nazis, some of them just want to make a nice profit from you. Nonetheless: there are also tourist traps in Germany, and plenty of behaviors you're better off avoiding:

Blathering on pointlessly
In Germany, communication is always goal-oriented ("Out of my way!" "Show me your papers!" "Give me the money!"). Things that might count as charming banter in your culture ("May I help you cross the street?" "What glorious rainy weather!" "By the way, I come from Burundi") will be regarded in Germany as superficial blather and a waste of time.

Turning down invitations
If a German actually manages to invite you to his home to show you his own personal recycling system, you must never turn down the invitation. Otherwise, you'll make another enemy, and what it means to make enemies of Germans you can learn from any history book.

Speaking during meals
It is considered improper to speak during meals in Germany. According to old German custom, you should poke around the plate gloomily for a while, then suddenly choke it all down in one fell swoop. As soon as you see the German national dish, "Sludge with Goo and Meat," before you, you'll know why.

Conceal your fears
In Germany, culture, economy and cuisine are traditionally based on fear. Germans are accordingly proud of their fears and delight in spreading them. Currently, Germans are afraid about their pensions, dying-out as a nation, and being eliminated in the first round. Don't be afraid to talk about your own fears (floods, nuclear war, sauerkraut) -- but always admit that your hosts' fears are more important.

Inappropriate Appearance
An inappropriate appearance can injure religious feelings in Germany. Of course, nobody will complain if Catholic Brazilian girls visit churches in their traditional costume of sequined bikinis. However if you happen to be in East Germany, you should avoid provoking the natives by having an unusual skin color. The ancient Germanic gods that are worshiped in these areas strictly forbid it.

Remaining sober during the evening
During the day, Germans like to appear lifeless and stony. During the evening, however, they drink several liters of beer and then suddenly go out of their minds and begin screaming like banshees. You should absolutely join in! Anyone who doesn't will quickly get smacked in the chops. Of course if you join in, you'll also get smacked in the chops, but you won't notice it as much.

Forgetting to mention the war
Never forget to mention the war to Germans! Germans love to prove, in hours-long conversations, that they know a lot about the rather unfortunate parts of their history, and that they've learned important things from it. As a follow-up, they'll be happy to explain to you all the things that suck about your country, and which genocides you should feel responsible for.

I hope this helps apprehensive tourists. Welcome to Germany, and don't forget to root for Togo if Germany gets eliminated!

If a German actually manages to invite you to his home to show you his own personal recycling system, you must never turn down the invitation. Otherwise, you'll make another enemy, and what it means to make enemies of Germans you can learn from any history book.

What, they'll have to lose another war?

Hahaha... yes, hilarious! Why didn't you start a new thread for that great counter. Its like... hysterically funny - god forbid anyone misses it!

Hahaha... yes, hilarious! Why didn't you start a new thread for that great counter. Its like... hysterically funny - god forbid anyone misses it!

The joke invited the response. Deal with it.



(Reminds me of a comedian I once heard. He said "where would we be without comedy?...... We'd be in Germany")

Originally Posted by AussieNick

(Reminds me of a comedian I once heard. He said "where would we be without comedy?...... We'd be in Germany")

Well I'll take this as a challenge, I'll keep on posting german humour here, grimly and without mercy until everyone accepts germans are lighthearted and have humour too, dammit!

Originally Posted by loki

Well I'll take this as a challenge, I'll keep on posting german humour here, grimly and without mercy until everyone accepts germans are lighthearted and have humour too, dammit!

HAHAHA, OK, OK, we all respect you n germany and oliver kahn, but arent u jus pushing your luck a little bit there? maybe?



Just found this in my inbox, dunno if anybody else recieved this, but i found it hillarious and oh-so-true....

Fwd: World Cup Rules for Wives, Partners and Girlfriends.

Dear Wife, Partner, Girlfriend,

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the
newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World
Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you
fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be
totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any
exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose
it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind,
as long as you do it crawling on the floor and
without any distractions. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV,
make sure you put your clothes on right after because if you catch a cold,
I won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the
World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a
refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you
expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick
up the baby that just fell on the floor....It won't happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the
fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please
do not make any funny faces at my friends when they come over to watch the
games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am,
unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is
losing, DO NOT say "get over it, it's only a game", or "don't worry,
they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me
more upset and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know
more about football than me and your so called "words
of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me
during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half
time scores are pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one"
game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time
together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen
them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related
parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a
game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you
have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we
can all watch?" because, the reply will be, "Refer to Rule #2 of this
list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World
Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this
comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier
League, FA Cup, etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Odd sense of humor, What?

Must be a European thing.

Originally Posted by The Cooler King

Must be a European thing.

...and a South American thing, and a Central American thing, and an African thing, and an Asian thing...and...well...a world thing. That is why it is called the World Cup. And, hey, why not watch the American team? They might even survive their tough group and surprise the world again.

I bow before the football gods

Alright Ollie, I'll give it a shot.

Jun 12 12:00 ET United States v Czech Republic ESPN2