Guaranteed to upset some of you I'm sure, but I thought most of you would get a kick out of it...


The Speech Bush Wanted to Give After 9/11


Good evening, my fellow Americans:

First, I want to pass on my condolences to the people of New York and all Americans that are hurting at this time. You can rest assured that anything and everything that can be done to assure the safety of our country will be done. This is the greatest country un the world and we will get through this trying time. Now is the time for all people to set aside our petty differences and show the world that no one or nothing can destroy the fortitude of the American people.

To the people responsible for this tragedy, I say this: Are you f***ing kidding me? Are the turbans on your heads wrapped too tight? Have you gone too long without a bath? Do you know who you are f***ing with? Americans are so hungry to kill that we shoot at each other every day. We will relish the opportunity for new targets for our aggression. Have you forgotten history? What happened to the last people that f***ed with us? Remember the little yellow b******s in Japan? We slapped them all over the Pacific and roasted about two million of them in their own backyards. That's what we in America call a big-a**ed barbecue. Ever seen Texas on a map? Ever wonder why its so big? Its big because the Mexicans started farting around with the Americans at the Alamo, so we took a huge chunk of their land and called it Texas. Now they pick our crops for us! England? We sent them packing, too. Ask your buddy Saddam about messing with us. The only reason he got away was because its hard to shoot someone when you're doubled over laughing at him. Our soldiers aren't trained to laugh and shoot at the same time. Now he couldn't stop a pack of Cub Scouts from taking over his s***ty little country. Trust us, Afghanistan will end up a giant kitty litter box.

Go ahead and hide, bin Laden. There's not a hole deep enough or a mountain high enough to keep your camel-humping a** safe. We will bomb every inch of the country that harbors you, your camps, and any place that looks or even smells like you there. Hell, we might even drop a few bombs on people that have p***ed us off in the past. This is America. We kick a**. This is what we do. Go ahead and laugh, but the Tomahawks are coming and we will smoke your sorry a**.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL That is funny.

haha, I love it!

Beautiful and its funny, because its so very true.

Nice one.

That's a good one!

Damn that was a good one.