THE SANTA CLAUS CONSPIRACY!

Does he file a flight plan with the FAA?

Actually, he'd file his flight plan through North Bay FIC and get his clearance from Edmonton Center as it would be the closest controlled airspace he'd enter North America through.

Just thought I'd clarify the ATC side of things. ;)
 
I'd bet the Soviets would try and shoot him down

If Santa doesn't come this year, this could be why.
 
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Julie said:
They say Santa only comes once a year.
Ain’t you glad you ain't Santa?

Aaahhhh, you be a good girl, now! :)
 
They say Santa only comes once a year.
Ain’t you glad you ain't Santa?

Well Julie, I'm not quite sure how to put this...but I have news for you.
Good news and bad news.

The good news is that you were actually a perfectly nice and kind girl for the last few years, it's not your fault that Santa didn't show up and fondle your stockings.

The bad news is that Santa didn't show up the last couple of years, and will in fact never show up again, because I accidentally managed to torch his beard with a signal flare in 2006...

Sorry.
 
No, no, no, no, no! You all got that wrong, except the conspiracy bit:

The guy is dangerous and I know that because I saw it on a German TV series called "Aktenzeichen XY" (something like "File Nr XY"), forbidden to transmit in the US (conspiracy!?), and they revealed it all, based on a witness who is more than authentic, here a summary:

It's the night before Christmas and you might think that you and your family are safe and snug in your beds, but if you think that no one is stirring, not even a mouse, you're sadly mistaken. The truth is that Christmas Eve is the one time of year when you're in the most danger from America's longest-running fugitive, the midnight prowler known as "Santa Claus."

Despite being single-handedly responsible for a centuries-long crime spree, Santa Claus has never been successfully taken into custody, nor has a security camera ever taken any pictures that could be positively identified as being his. At least in part, this is because Santa's crimes are always committed under the cover of night on a major holiday, and because he has always targeted private residences instead of business establishments.

Based on the few eyewitness accounts of Santa Claus in action, the FBI has constructed this composite sketch:


santasketch.gif


One of our investigators was able to locate one of Santa Claus' accomplices who has accompanied him on several of these annual raids. On the condition that his identity not be revealed, he was willing to speak to one of our reporters.

We will refer to our informant only as "Reindeer X."

Raindeer X
reindeerx.jpg


"I'm one of the newest of Santa's recruits, so I couldn't tell you much about his earlier raids, but my guess is that his tactics haven't changed much. He's pretty set in his ways.

Why am I spilling the beans on Santa? Because it's got to be told. ...and I still feel like a misfit in Santa's private air force. Oh, sure, the other reindeer won't come out and say anything, but they still don't invite me to join in any reindeer games.

Here is how it goes:

We start by landing on the rooftop of the target house. So far as I know, he doesn't case the houses first. It's like he's got a sixth sense or something, […] he just knows where to land, how to get in without getting caught, whether the owners have been naughty or nice. […]

[…] He gets in through the fireplace. I don't know how he does it, but that's probably what he's counting on, that nobody would think someone would just pop down the chimney, right into their living rooms. Everybody locks their doors and even their windows these days, but have you ever heard of anybody thinking to lock their chimneys? No one is safe, […] even those gas fireplaces with fake ceramic logs don't slow him down more than a second or two. […]

[…] when he's gotten what he came for, he just lays a finger aside of his nose, gives a nod, and up the chimney he goes. It's not natural, I tell you. […]

[…] By the time anyone's stirring, even a mouse, it's too late. Santa will already be flying out of sight exclaiming: 'Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!' Sheesh. What nerve. […]

[…] Santa can clean a place out in under a minute. Doesn't matter what it is: cookies, brownies, even milk and cake. Once he's into your house, it's as good as gone. […]

[…]The fact is, there's not much the police or even the FBI can do. Before they know what's happened, Santa will have crossed the border into international airspace. Even his secret stronghold - hidden somewhere near the North Pole - is outside of any nation's jurisdiction."
If you have any information that might lead to the arrest and conviction of Santa Claus or any other fugitive from justice, send it in along with whatever cash and credit cards you have in your wallet.
OK, so now you have been warned, beware!

Rattler
 
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Actually, he'd file his flight plan through North Bay FIC and get his clearance from Edmonton Center as it would be the closest controlled airspace he'd enter North America through.

Just thought I'd clarify the ATC side of things. ;)

I got different information, seems he files through NORAD?

http://www.noradsanta.org/en/

Rattler

P.S.: Oops, double post, thought I was replying to a different thread (as I have them posts in different tabs), R.
 
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The bad news is that Santa didn't show up the last couple of years, and will in fact never show up again, because I accidentally managed to torch his beard with a signal flare in 2006...
Sounds like there's a story behind it.
 
Well Julie, I'm not quite sure how to put this...but I have news for you.
Good news and bad news.

The good news is that you were actually a perfectly nice and kind girl for the last few years, it's not your fault that Santa didn't show up and fondle your stockings.

The bad news is that Santa didn't show up the last couple of years, and will in fact never show up again, because I accidentally managed to torch his beard with a signal flare in 2006...

Sorry.

I tried to shoot the bugger down with a BREN Gun in 1967, those damn reindeer are difficult to hit
 
http://www.military-quotes.com/forum/santa-claus-conspiracy-post613271-t93580.html#po

They don't fly straight and level, they jinxed.

Kinda reminds me of the movie Full Metal Jacket now...

Any animal that fly straight is trained reindeer...

Any animal animal that fly and jinx, is a well trained reindeer...
 
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Glory to the BREN, but the cyclic rate and magazine capacity is too low for that task I'd say...

There was a story of a young (and nervous) BREN gunner who opened fire on what he thought was a German BF109, instead of leading the aircraft he fired directly at it. It turned out to be a Hurricane being chased by a BF109, the BREN gunner accidentally hit the BF109 and shot it down. Apparently the RAF pilot sent the BREN gunner a crate of beer and thanked him for getting the BF109 before it got him.

LOL Lucky or what?
 
Santa Claus DOES EXIST - The Proof
SANTA DOES EXIST. SANTA IS REAL SANTA IS ALIVE.

PROOF...

1. Each year, NORAD issues an official runnning report tracking the arrival of Santa and his flying reindeer. Could everyone in such a critical part of the defences of the US, Canada and Greenland all be be wrong? Or if they are deceiving us, what could be their motive for doing so?

2. The Canadian Postal Service charges people to send letters to Santa AND to have a reply. They have even allocated a separate postal code to his toy factory which by random accident happens to be "H0H 0H0" Are the doubters suggesting that the Canadian Postal Service are carrying out comprehensive Ponzi fraud scheme on the same scale as Madoff?

3. The Finnish Postal Service delivers all mail address to "Santa, North Pole" for free. If there is no Santa, who exactly is replying to all the letters?

4. Calculations by BBC journalist and writer, Dave Allen, showed that if Santa visited ONLY Northern Europe, to et around all the chimneys in one night, he would have to spend less than 100,000th of a second in each home. It is obvious therefore why no-one actually sees him... or are the BBC supported to be in on this worldwide conspiracy as well?

5. An article in the Economist Magazine calculated that each year, Santa is running a budget deficit greater than the US. If this is the case, is it not a surprise that the world's banking system is in a mess?

6. Stores worldwide have Santa visiting them each year. If Santa is a fake, how could anyone mastermind this number of imposters worldwide?

7. The Vatican puts the stories of those to be made a saint under the most extreme of scrutiny, yet by 1087, Saint Nicholas was accepted by both the Catholic and Orthodox Churches as a saint. Is it suggested that BOTH these two churches were fooled or was there a conspiracy between BOTH these opposing churches?

8. Every one "KNOWS" that Santa exists... and 25% of the population of the world have actually met him.

The arguments by "Conspiracy Theorists" that Santa does not exist and that a worldwide conspiracy and cover-up by Government agancies, major corporations and the general public for a vast fraud against children is identical to those made against the Official 9/11 Report. To reject the existence of Santa, not only undermines Santa but undermines the FACTS ABOUT 9/11.

from this link
 
Breaking News: Looks they finally nailed him, right in time I´d say:

A fierce battle ended in a stand-off today as a multi-jurisdictional task force of federal law enforcement agents tried to arrest the leader of a militant doomsday cult, who call themselves "Elves," living in a heavily fortified compound at the Northpole.

According to witnesses, federal agents hid in livestock trailers as they drove up to the compound.
The approach was difficult in the snow using wheeled vehicles. Several agents were reportedly thrown from the trailer when it hit a snowbank. The agents were unable to use dogteams and sleds because the ATF agents shot all the dogs during training at a nearby recreational facility where agents had practiced for weeks on a mock-up of the compound in preparation for the raid.

As three National Guard helicopters approached, over 100 law officers stormed the main compound, a heavily fortified gingerbread structure, throwing concussion grenades and screaming "Come out!" Cult members and law officers negotiated a cease-fire about 45 minutes after the incident began.
For the next several hours, ambulances and helicopters swarmed the premises. The area was cordoned off and ATF agents with machine guns were posted in the roadways to keep reporters at least two miles from the main battle area.

In a lengthy report on the group Thursday, The Northpole Tribune-Herald said that the cult was known to have a large arsenal of high-powered weapons, probably produced in a workshop disguised as a "toy factory." This toy factory is also believed to be the sight of a mephamphetamine laboratory, according to sources inside the ATF.


The article quoted investigators as saying the crazed cult leader, who uses several aliases, "Santa Claus," "Saint Nick," "Sinterclaas," and "Saint Nicholas," age unknown, has abused children and claims to have at least 15 wives. Santa Claus denies these accusations of abuse and said he has had only one wife, Mrs. Santa Claus.


Authorities had a warrant to search the Northpole compound for guns and explosive devices and an arrest warrant for its leader, Santa Claus, said Mess Stanford of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms in Washington, D.C. Mr. Stanford added it would be useless to attempt to get a copy of this warrant, however, because it had been sealed, "for national security reasons."


The assault came one day after the Northpole Tribune-Herald began publishing a series on the cult, quoting former members as saying the deranged cult leader, Santa Claus, abused children and had at least 15 wives.


ATF spokesman Jack Killchildren in Washington said the assault had been planned for several weeks, although he added, "I think the newspaper's investigation set up heightened tension."


The cult's fortress, called "The Toy Factory," is dominated by a tower with lookout windows facing in all directions. Guards reportedly patrol the 77-acre grounds at night.


Attorney General Eric Holder ordered the raid after cult members refused to surrender documents relating to national security. A source inside the Justice Department said that the documents were lists of cabinet members and highly placed government officials who were naughty or nice. Despite preliminary, secret negotiations to obtain the list, the Elves refused to surrender the document to the Justice Department.


The raid was scheduled for December 23, because December 25 is believed to be a traditional cult holiday and all the militant elves would be engaged in cult rituals in preparation for the event.


At a press conference this afternoon, Attorney General Holder said, "These militants abuse children in the most vile manner, by teaching them to expect charity. They have even distributed free, working replicas of 'assault weapons' and 'handguns.' It is a matter of dire importance to our future and the future of all our children, that this peril be ended by every means at our disposal."


He went on to say that "I do not want to surround the compound and shoot everyone and then burn it to the ground in order to prevent this child abuse from occurring again, but that appears to be our only alternative."


According to Holder, the "Toy Factory" itself is a sweatshop and conditions inside were horrendous. The Department of Justice is also looking into allegations of animal cruelty. Former members of the cult have claimed that Santa Claus frequently uses leather restraints on at least eight reindeer, housed in sordid conditions on the compound. Witnesses reported seeing a reindeer with a protruding red nose, which Eric Holder said was further indication of the abusive conditions inside the compound.


Several of the elves were reported by the BATF to have been carrying automatic weapons. However, independant sources dispute this, claiming that the "automatic weapons" were nothing more than large candy canes.


ATF Special Agent in Charge Scott Sweetow, shaken after the ordeal, spoke to reporters as hundreds of agents, many of them in tears, were taken away from the Northpole in military airlifts, ambulances, and private vehicles. "We had our plan down, we had our diversion down, and they were waiting..." Sweetow said resignedly, shaking his head.

A hospital spokesman said that most of the wounded ATF agents appeared to be suffering from shrapnel wounds from broken candy canes, as well as frostbite, apparently suffered from wearing forest-green camoflage in the wintery terrain.


Attorney General Holder offered no comment on these reports.
Bill Daley was seen strolling across the White House lawn, chuckling to himself as he read what inside sources say was a copy of the naughty/nice list.

One highly placed government official was found dead in Marcy Park. His name and the cause of death are unknown at this time, however, the White House immediately issued a statement claiming the official had committed suicide after learning his name was not on the nice list.


Patsy Thomahawk refused to comment on the advice of her attorney on whether she had any part in removing copies of the naughty/nice list from a safe in the White House.

A spokesman from the MJTF said that it was indeed a tragedy that Santa Claus had caused this confrontation, but this should be a lesson to anyone who tries to give to everyone without permission from the welfare department, and that gathering sensitive data without a permit from official sources will be stopped by any means.

FBI spokesman
Gary Johnson, relayed that "We are dealing with a madman. We have cut off all electricity, water, and communications to the compound. Santa Claus has demanded that we relay a message to the world. It reads, 'Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.'

FBI psychological experts are presently analyzing the message, however, preliminary reports indicate this is an encrypted threat to invade the neighboring towns near the Northpole. It may also be a doomsday message that the cult intends to commit suicide, like Jonestown.


Shortly after the raid, a smiling Holder was seen strolling through the pile of rubbish looking for anatomically correct Barbie dolls. He claimed that he was going to confiscate any that he found as "evidence" and that they were for a personal investigation that he was conducting.


Attorney General Holder also disclosed some information about plans to raid Mr. E. Ster Bunny sometime next spring. According to the FBI's report on Mr. Bunny, he has been hording food all year. This is in direct violation of a secret Presidential Directive. "This ingratitude for everything that we have done will stop, even if it means raiding every house in the USA to enforce these new laws that were made to insure your freedom...." Holder said.

This, boys and girls, should make us all sleep just a little bit better tonight. The government will protect us from overindulging in freedom. If they didn't step in and take control of that "naughty/nice" list, just think what shape we might be in.....


Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night
!

Rattler
 
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