| |
| | Post 1 |
| 100% Space Shuttle Door Gunner | Post; Retrosexuals Movement!Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world! Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement. " The Code : 1. A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE. 2. A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female. 3. A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT. 4. A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself. 5. A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a god. 6. A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.) 7. A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old. 8. A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code. 9. A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title. 10. A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV. 11. A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it. 12. A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak wood chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you. 13. A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey. 14. A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot. 15. A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. 16. A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be. 17. A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "wakin' up". 18. Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your Ford truck. 19. When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face. 20. A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner. A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance. 21. A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils. 22. A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (Heck, like a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank. 23. A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his truck--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both. 24. A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress. NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country. 25. A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him. 26. A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT! 27. A Retrosexual man still address any adult male I don't know as "sir" and any adult female I don't know as "ma'am" until I either know a better salutation or find out they didn't deserve the first one. 28. A Retrosexual man always urinate standing up, never sitting down.
__________________ ![]() "Poor People have been voting for Democrats for the last 50 years... and they're still poor." - Charles Barkley |
| |
| | Post 2 |
| Tribuni Angusticlavii | i like.
__________________ ![]() si deum nobiscum, quis contra? AS LONG AS DIXIE STILL EXISTS,THIS COUNTRY WILL NEVER FALL |
| |
| | Post 3 |
| Tribuni Angusticlavii | i agree. mind if i use this somewhere else?
__________________ You can't scratch and salute at the same time! That's communist! - LTC Ivens |
| |
| | Post 4 |
| 100% Space Shuttle Door Gunner | Go right ahead. I hope to start a movement. Maybe get men to act like men again. |
| |
| | Post 5 |
| Tribuni Angusticlavii | I'll join |
| |
| | Post 6 |
| Milforum Moderator ![]() | I loved it, I mean I can DEAL WITH IT
__________________ "I was a soldier, I am a soldier, I always will be a soldier." To Avoid Infractions - Click Here And Read the Forum Rules Before You Post. |
| |
| | Post 7 |
| 100% Space Shuttle Door Gunner | Maybe I did start something here. |
| |
| | Post 8 | |
| Tribuni Angusticlavii | i think you did. if you made that up yourself, my hat goes off to you. anyone ever been caught offering to giving up yuor seat to some really fat lady who looks pregnant and getting the dirtiest looks? oh well, at least i tried lol i think this goes hand in hand with what you are saiyng: Quote:
__________________ If I am asked what we are fighting for, I can reply in two sentences. In the first place, to fulfil a solemn international obligation . . . an obligation of honor which no self-respecting man could possibly have repudiated. I say, secondly, we are fighting to vindicate the principle that small nationalities are not to be crushed in defiance of international good faith at the arbitrary will of a strong and overmastering Power. Author: Rt. Hon. Herbert Henry Asquith Source: Statement, to House of Commons, Declaration of War with Germany, Aug. 4, 1914 | |
| |
| | Post 9 |
| Nuclear Duck Hunter ![]() | I like both versions because I already do those things.
__________________ “War is an ugly thing but not the ugliest of things; the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feelings which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse.” —John Stuart Mill |
| |
| | Post 10 |
| Tribuni Angusticlavii | Very good
__________________ Some more words of wisdom from LIPS |
| |