Topic: Redneck church

tomtom22 · April 19th, 2006

1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .. the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!)

6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.

10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.

12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church If ... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.

16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear".

Padre · April 20th, 2006

ahhhhh.........my dream parish

fronzz · April 20th, 2006

LOL! 16 is great!

Missileer · April 20th, 2006

I think I've been to that church before.

armlesscadet · April 21st, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by tomtom22

4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

You mean its not everywhere!?!?!

deerslayer · April 21st, 2006

sounds about like my church.

NCdt Steliga · April 23rd, 2006

Slick

Team Infidel · January 7th, 2007

that's a good one

April 19th, 2006	Post 1
tomtom22 Chief Engineer Gear	Post; Redneck church 1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .. the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. 2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. 3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up. 4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. 5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!) 6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the choir is known as the "OK Chorale". 7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. 8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. 9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub. 10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. 11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy. 12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call. 13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. 14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church If ... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink". 15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too. 16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear". __________________ "It doesn't take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to be one of those men who goes into battle." - Norman Schwarskopf, Commander of Desert Storm Operations

April 20th, 2006	Post 3
fronzz Tribuni Angusticlavii Gear	LOL! 16 is great! __________________ "Oh Bother" Said Pooh as the tripwire clicked. Join my Forum! www.milsurp.tk

April 20th, 2006	Post 4
Missileer Nuclear Duck Hunter Gear	I think I've been to that church before. __________________ “War is an ugly thing but not the ugliest of things; the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feelings which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse.” —John Stuart Mill

April 21st, 2006	Post 6
deerslayer Milforum Swamp Dweller Gear	sounds about like my church. __________________ Screwing over bureaucratic organizations, one paper tiger at a time. Trespassers will be shot and fed to the dogs.

April 23rd, 2006	Post 7
NCdt Steliga Cadet Moderator Gear	Slick __________________ Pte K. Steliga Canadian Forces School of Aerospace Control Operations QL3 0027 Per ardua ad astra

April 20th, 2006	Post 2
Padre Milforum Chaplain Gear	ahhhhh.........my dream parish

January 7th, 2007	Post 8
Team Infidel Milforum's Postmaster Gear	that's a good one __________________

Topic: Redneck church

Post; Redneck church