AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT
WASHINGTON, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation,
which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans with No
Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by
advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or
ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence
and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society," said Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow
People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this
legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to
a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have
some idea of what they are doing."
The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service,
which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard
to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job
skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of
Inability.
Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination
against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry
(68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV
also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability(63%)
Under the Americans with No Abilities Act, more than 25 million
"middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles
but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of
purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be
given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable
employees.The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to
corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability
in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium
businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented
hires.
Finally, the AWNAA ACT contains tough new measures to make it
more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning
discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for
the future?"or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to
this job?"
"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with
people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost
her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to
her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people
like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other
untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
