Topic: MOD answering machine

phil33eod · July 10th, 2003

HELLO …? IS THAT THE BRITISH ARMY?

“Thank you for calling the British Army. I am sorry but all our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country of origin, name of organisation, the region, the specific crisis and a number to call you.”

“As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Northern Ireland, The Firemen, Iraq 2, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and equal opportunities training, we will return your call.”

“Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following.”

“If your crisis is small and close to the sea, press 1 for the Royal Marines.”

“If your problem is distant, with a tropical climate and good hotels, and can be solved by a few low risk – low level bombing runs, press # for the Royal Air Force. – Please note this service is not available after 16:30 or at weekends.”

“If your enquiry concerns a situation that can be resolved by a bit of grey funnel, bunting, flag waving and a really good marching band, please write WELL in advance to the First Sea Lord, The Admiralty, London.”

“If your enquiry is not urgent. Press 2 for the Allied Rapid Reaction Corps.”

“If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, train to be a fire-fighter, execute regime changes in hot places, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilisation, and be prepared to work your arse off daily with leave being cancelled at short notice, whilst watching the treasury erode your original conditions of service and career – your call will be connected to a bitter, passed-over recruiting Sergeant in a grotty shop out of town.”

“Thank you for calling the British Army!”

Anonymous · August 30th, 2003

i heard this on a cd i burned but its the marines

Redleg · August 30th, 2003

You can find a lot of different versions of this one, I have one like it on the site, but it's the US Army answering machine.

tomtom22 · February 10th, 2006

Navy Boy · February 21st, 2006

Good one.

Fox · February 21st, 2006

Hahaha!

Chief Bones · February 21st, 2006

You can imagine what the Navy's version is like. Considering that there are 7 seas the Navy version gets right to the point....Air....Surface.....Subsurface....etc.

NCdt Steliga · February 28th, 2006

Nice one.

July 10th, 2003	Post 1
phil33eod Tirones	Post; MOD answering machine HELLO …? IS THAT THE BRITISH ARMY? “Thank you for calling the British Army. I am sorry but all our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country of origin, name of organisation, the region, the specific crisis and a number to call you.” “As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Northern Ireland, The Firemen, Iraq 2, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and equal opportunities training, we will return your call.” “Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following.” “If your crisis is small and close to the sea, press 1 for the Royal Marines.” “If your problem is distant, with a tropical climate and good hotels, and can be solved by a few low risk – low level bombing runs, press # for the Royal Air Force. – Please note this service is not available after 16:30 or at weekends.” “If your enquiry concerns a situation that can be resolved by a bit of grey funnel, bunting, flag waving and a really good marching band, please write WELL in advance to the First Sea Lord, The Admiralty, London.” “If your enquiry is not urgent. Press 2 for the Allied Rapid Reaction Corps.” “If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, train to be a fire-fighter, execute regime changes in hot places, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilisation, and be prepared to work your arse off daily with leave being cancelled at short notice, whilst watching the treasury erode your original conditions of service and career – your call will be connected to a bitter, passed-over recruiting Sergeant in a grotty shop out of town.” “Thank you for calling the British Army!”

August 30th, 2003	Post 2
Anonymous Guest	Post; i have heard this before i heard this on a cd i burned but its the marines

February 10th, 2006	Post 4
tomtom22 Chief Engineer Gear	Lol! __________________ "It doesn't take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to be one of those men who goes into battle." - Norman Schwarskopf, Commander of Desert Storm Operations

February 21st, 2006	Post 5
Navy Boy I LOVE THE ARMY!!!!!! Gear	Good one. __________________ This is Vice Admiral J. Kevin Moran Semper Fortis

February 21st, 2006	Post 6
Fox Can you hear me now? Gear	Hahaha! __________________ Why should I have to "Press 1 for English?" --Every American

August 30th, 2003	Post 3
Redleg The fire is everything... Gear	You can find a lot of different versions of this one, I have one like it on the site, but it's the US Army answering machine.

February 21st, 2006	Post 7
Chief Bones Forums Grumpy Old Man Gear	You can imagine what the Navy's version is like. Considering that there are 7 seas the Navy version gets right to the point....Air....Surface.....Subsurface....etc. __________________ Fair winds and following seas > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < and long may your big jib draw. *-W.R.B. (Chief Bones) FCC(SW) USN(RET)-*

February 28th, 2006	Post 8
NCdt Steliga Cadet Moderator Gear	Nice one. __________________ 'Truth. Duty. Valour. Blow out you bugles over the rich dead There's none of these so lonely and poor of old But dying has made us rarer gifts than gold' Inscription on the top of the Memorial Arch at RMC Kingston

Topic: MOD answering machine

Post; MOD answering machine

Post; i have heard this before