I'm hoping someone here might be able to offer me some clarity and help clear my head a bit. The last few years have been so tough, and i'm such a confused mess.
I have wanted to join the armed forces all my life. Since before I can remember this has been my dream and my ultimate ambition.
I started applying when I was fourteen and I wrote the exams when I was seventeen. I did the medicals, I did it all, but then I messed up. I was so close to being accepted. I was going to join the Navy as an Operator Mechanic. I'd succeeded in all the stages of my application.
But then disaster struck. I injured my knee.
I'm twenty one years old now and it's been two years since I saw all my dreams and ambitions wash away. And now things are worse than ever.
After I did my knee in, I lost all hope, all passion, and I let myself wallow in my pain. I didn't try and get better, I allowed myself to be defeated by my own weaknesses.
Now i am overweight and extremely unfit. My knee is better but my willfullness, my determination, has been gone for so long that I don't know how to get it back.
For two years i have been so miserable and i've messed up in everything.
I just want to pick up where i left off. I want to get back to what i used to be. I want my fire back. I need to start training again but i don't know where to start. I feel hopeless, like a failure, and this scares me because i know that i can't join the forces when i feel like this. I need to get my strength back.
It's not just that. I've already begun to pull myself out of the grave i buried for myself two years ago, but i'm just not as sure about anything as i used to be. I want to join the forces, of that i have no doubt, but i'm not sure which i want to be a part of anymore. My dream used to be the Navy, but lately i've been looking more closely at the army. They both appeal to me but i'm not sure which one i'd prefer to serve. Not anymore anyway.
And i'm so upset because i'm twenty one now and i don't want to join at the bottom anymore. I feel too old. My old plan was to join as a Rating and work my way up to be an Officer. I know I have Officer potential, but as i was educated in another country I don't have all the right grades I need. I am at this moment applying to do a physics gcse in the next few months so i'll have five gcses. But i still only have one A level which i will need to change in order to even think about applying to be an officer.
But all the same, i just want a bit of support and encouragement. Can someone please just advise me on a good training programme, and maybe offer me some encouragement that could get my head around what I want to do.
I used to think i knew everything i wanted, everything i was. I don't anymore, and i just want some clarity.
Thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read these rantings of mine.
I have wanted to join the armed forces all my life. Since before I can remember this has been my dream and my ultimate ambition.
I started applying when I was fourteen and I wrote the exams when I was seventeen. I did the medicals, I did it all, but then I messed up. I was so close to being accepted. I was going to join the Navy as an Operator Mechanic. I'd succeeded in all the stages of my application.
But then disaster struck. I injured my knee.
I'm twenty one years old now and it's been two years since I saw all my dreams and ambitions wash away. And now things are worse than ever.
After I did my knee in, I lost all hope, all passion, and I let myself wallow in my pain. I didn't try and get better, I allowed myself to be defeated by my own weaknesses.
Now i am overweight and extremely unfit. My knee is better but my willfullness, my determination, has been gone for so long that I don't know how to get it back.
For two years i have been so miserable and i've messed up in everything.
I just want to pick up where i left off. I want to get back to what i used to be. I want my fire back. I need to start training again but i don't know where to start. I feel hopeless, like a failure, and this scares me because i know that i can't join the forces when i feel like this. I need to get my strength back.
It's not just that. I've already begun to pull myself out of the grave i buried for myself two years ago, but i'm just not as sure about anything as i used to be. I want to join the forces, of that i have no doubt, but i'm not sure which i want to be a part of anymore. My dream used to be the Navy, but lately i've been looking more closely at the army. They both appeal to me but i'm not sure which one i'd prefer to serve. Not anymore anyway.
And i'm so upset because i'm twenty one now and i don't want to join at the bottom anymore. I feel too old. My old plan was to join as a Rating and work my way up to be an Officer. I know I have Officer potential, but as i was educated in another country I don't have all the right grades I need. I am at this moment applying to do a physics gcse in the next few months so i'll have five gcses. But i still only have one A level which i will need to change in order to even think about applying to be an officer.
But all the same, i just want a bit of support and encouragement. Can someone please just advise me on a good training programme, and maybe offer me some encouragement that could get my head around what I want to do.
I used to think i knew everything i wanted, everything i was. I don't anymore, and i just want some clarity.
Thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read these rantings of mine.