I missed the last train back to my unit on a Sunday night after a weekend pass, I had to wait for the first train on Monday morning which would get me back at about 10am.

I arrived back on unit, changed from civi's into my uniform and tried to sneak into my section without anyone seeing me. I was spotted and charged with being absent from duty.

I was marched in front of the CO where the charge was read out, I was asked if I had anything to say. I replied "Sir, I was about to board the last train at Waterloo Station when the National Anthem was played. As per Queens Regulations I stood to attention, during which time the train pulled out of the station leaving me behind on the platform. I caught the first available train."

The CO looked at me for a full minute, obviously not believing a word. He then said, "Thats the first time I've heard that load of b******t. Charge dismissed."

Hilarious.
I missed the bus back to base once but luckily I was good friends with the local bakery owner so I got my weekend pass party onto a bread truck and RTBed that way. hehe.
We got called in about why we were "late" to which I pointed at the clock and said, "Sir, we may have missed the bus but we're still a minute early."
Charge dismissed!

hahahahahaha

LOL. I hated asking soldiers why they were late. They always come up with the most absurd **** that you can't even begin to believe

Originally Posted by SHERMAN

LOL. I hated asking soldiers why they were late. They always come up with the most absurd **** that you can't even begin to believe

Take my word for it, I can believe, I was one of them LOL.

Very nice!!!

Years ago I was the escort to a prisoner who was up on charges of AWOL. He had broken down on his motorbike coming back from leave from Portsmouth. When we marched in the CO read out the guys name and number. The number was wrong - but not to worry the poor sap admitted that it was him. The CO then read out the statement from the Provo Sgt stating that the soldier had been coming back from London when his car broke down. So the feller promptly went on to explain that he was actually coming back from Portsmouth etc etc. At this point both the CO and RSM were both looking at each other and I was gritting my teeth. & days - march out. As soon as we got outside the RSM paused for a moment fixed the erstwhile soldier with a steely gaze and said 'You know that's the first time I've seen anyone get seven days for idiocy.' and stomped off. - All he had to say was 'No Sir, thats not me - I don't even hold a car license'. Never mind....lef, ri, lef, ri mark time - mind your fingers - clang.