Irish jokes...again :)

Irishone

Active member
My friend is over from tx was telling me some American Irish jokes...hope ye all like them . (To all Irish people...apologises :oops: lol)

Irish Catholic Mother's Bragging

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together.
The first one tells her friends,"My son is a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Father'."
The second one chirps "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, everyone says' your Grace'."
The third Catholic lady says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Your Eminence'.">>>
The fourth Catholic lady sips her coffee in silence. The first three ladies all ask, "Well...?" She replies, "My son is a 6' 2" hard-bodied stripper, and hung like a rhino. When he walks into a room, everyone says, 'Oh, my God...'!"

Dont drop the sausage
Seamus and Paddy want to go on a run through all the pubs in Dublin, but they've only got one Euro between them.

Passing a butcher shop, Paddy gets an idea. He runs in and buys a sausage.

"Now here's what we'll do, Seamus," says Paddy, "We'll go into the pub, order some drinks and when we're just about finished, I'll pull down my fly and push this sausage out through the opening. You drop to your knees and take it in your mouth. We'll be thrown out of the pub before they ever realize that we haven't settled the bill."

The ruse works fantastically, and they get thrown out of twenty different pubs over the course of the next several hours.

Finally, Seamus has had enough, "Paddy," he says, "I know we said we'd go to every pub in Dublin, but I'm pissed already and my knees are achin'. I'm ready to go home."

"Alright, I'm ready, too, Seamus," says Paddy, "and besides, I lost the sausage about 7 or 8 pubs ago."

Texan one
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and says to the crowd of drinkers, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll bet $500 American dollars that no one in here can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?” asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman smiles, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".
 
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