Topic: Heavenly Voice Mail

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November 1st, 2005   Post 1
Springfield
Tribuni Angusticlavii
 
 

Post; Heavenly Voice Mail


Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling heaven.

For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3

Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy spirit, press 3

To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign.

(If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666)

For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3 16.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

Thank you and have a heavenly day.
 
November 1st, 2005   Post 2
LIPS
Tribuni Angusticlavii
 
 
as a non-believer I still found it funny
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Some more words of wisdom from LIPS
 
November 2nd, 2005   Post 3
xander
Centurion
 
 
heard it before and still funny
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\"SemperFi,Do Or Die!
GungHo,GungHo,GungHo!
What Makes The Grass Grow?
Blood,Blood,Blood!
What Do We Do For A Living,Ladies? Kill,Kill,Kill!\".
 
November 2nd, 2005   Post 4
NCdt Steliga
Cadet Moderator
 
 
Gear


Very nice
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Pte K. Steliga
RMC/CMR
Cadet Wing Quartermaster

Per ardua ad astra
 
November 2nd, 2005   Post 5
C/2nd Lt Robot
Tribunus Laticlavius
 
 
hehehe
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C/Capt "Robot", CAP (ret)
NBB '06 Alpha Flight
NBB '07 Delta Flight
 
May 27th, 2006   Post 6
tomtom22
Chief Engineer
 
 
Gear

I wonder what Padre thinks of it?
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"It doesn't take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to be one of those men who goes into battle." - Norman Schwarskopf, Commander of Desert Storm Operations
 
May 29th, 2006   Post 7
Rob Henderson
Milforum Idol
 
 
Please leave your prayer after the beep...BEEP! hahaha
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C/1Lt Ret. Henderson
"Life is a tragedy to those who feel, and a comedy to those who think."- Fortune Cookie
 
May 31st, 2006   Post 8
MaKa9
Centurion
 
 
Gear

Funny stuff
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-In the grim darkness of a far future,
There is only war.
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November 4th, 2007   Post 9
Team Infidel
Milforum's Postmaster
 
 
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heard it before
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