Topic: Converted Nursery Rhymes

Mark Conley · July 14th, 2004

lets start a little down home area for converted nursery rhymes (not perverted nursery rhymes...)

Rules for this is simple:

Take the original childs nursery rhyme, and either update it for modern times, or slightly twist it to make it funny.

No swear words allowed. you can be creative and good without being nasty or potty mouthed.

No really graphic descriptions regarding adult type topics, but the topic is okay. (see example).

My Contribution(s):

Mary Had A Little Plane
Its color was all Yeller:
And everywhere that Mary went
She followed her propeller!

Mary had a Little Lamb
A little Beef, a little Ham:
Some Sardines and of course, some Spam
Tiss food that makes one grow.

Her dinning partners were surprized
To see her selections and their size
It made them want to avert their eyes
when down her throat it did go.

now children eyes are it seems
bigger then their stomach dreams
and when they carried Mary Out in screams
her Face was white as snow.

This is Jack.

This is the house that Jack built.

This is the cash that paid for the house that jack built.

These are the Girls that brought in the cash that paid for the house that Jack built.

these are the gents that went for the girls that brought in the cash that paid for the house that Jack built. (you kind of get the picture here about an adult subject?)

Let put the whole converted nursery rhyme together....

This is the man...why its Jack gone Straight!
Now Sharing a fortune, a vast estate!
That went to the wife, a widow now
That fired the gun that went Pow Pow!
That ended the scene of the boundless lust!
That swayed the judge so stern and just!
That tried the woman
That was busted by the Cop
That trailed the gents
That went for the girls
That brought in the cash
That paid for the house that Jack built.

PM me for the full rhyme on this one.

You guys are on your own. Good luck!

Redleg · July 14th, 2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark Conley

No swear words allowed. you can be creative and good without being nasty or potty mouthed.

No really graphic descriptions regarding adult type topics, but the topic is okay. (see example).
D

Dang, can't post any of the ones I know here..

NCdt Steliga · July 15th, 2004

Those are pretty funny.

Mark Conley · July 15th, 2004

More grist for the mill...

Little Jack Horner
sat in a Corner
Eating His Christmas Pie:
They Put him away
For many a day
for it was only the Fourth of July

There was a crooked man
and he did very well...
until the cops caught him
and they put him in the jail.

Jack be nimble Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candlestick!
You have to leap tall or you'll get burned
jack did it once...that how he learned!

Old McDonald had a farm...
The Doctors were suprised.

Mary had a little Sheep;
and with the sheep she went to sleep.
If the sheep turned out to be a ram..
Would Mary have a little lamb?

Not Nursery..but just as good...

The codfish lays a thousand eggs
The lowly hen but one;
The Codfish doesnt cackle
to tell the world whats shes done!
So we praise the lowly hen
and the codfish we despise.
which really only goes to prove
it pays to advertise.

no...i dont do the Andrew Dice Clay nursery rhymes or poems....

Italian Guy · July 15th, 2004

Oh, so you think them out at night, or you got a book Mark ?

Redleg · July 15th, 2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark Conley

no...i dont do the Andrew Dice Clay nursery rhymes or poems....

That's the only ones I know...

sgtbreeden · July 15th, 2004

Those are pretty good i haven't heard most of them. My dad was into converting nursery rhymes. He kept them open for the imagination though.

Mary had a little lamb
Tied him to a well
Took a stick of dynamite
And blew him all to ....

Mary had a little lamb
Tied him to the heater
Every time he turned around
He burned his little .....

Patriot_1989tobeyond · October 22nd, 2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by sgtbreeden

Those are pretty good i haven't heard most of them. My dad was into converting nursery rhymes. He kept them open for the imagination though.

Mary had a little lamb
Tied him to a well
Took a stick of dynamite
And blew him all to ....

Mary had a little lamb
Tied him to the heater
Every time he turned around
He burned his little .....

bonnieblue716 · October 24th, 2004

Commy Berlin Sat on a wall
Regan told them it must fall
And all the Commies Horses and all the commies men
Will NEVER build that wall again.

Twin Tower's once stood tall
But terriorist made them fall
and some of our women and some of our men,
are going to make sure Osamah never leaves a cave again!

tomtom22 · January 15th, 2007

July 14th, 2004	Post 1
Mark Conley Tribuni Angusticlavii	Post; Converted Nursery Rhymes lets start a little down home area for converted nursery rhymes (not perverted nursery rhymes...) Rules for this is simple: Take the original childs nursery rhyme, and either update it for modern times, or slightly twist it to make it funny. No swear words allowed. you can be creative and good without being nasty or potty mouthed. No really graphic descriptions regarding adult type topics, but the topic is okay. (see example). My Contribution(s): Mary Had A Little Plane Its color was all Yeller: And everywhere that Mary went She followed her propeller! Mary had a Little Lamb A little Beef, a little Ham: Some Sardines and of course, some Spam Tiss food that makes one grow. Her dinning partners were surprized To see her selections and their size It made them want to avert their eyes when down her throat it did go. now children eyes are it seems bigger then their stomach dreams and when they carried Mary Out in screams her Face was white as snow. This is Jack. This is the house that Jack built. This is the cash that paid for the house that jack built. These are the Girls that brought in the cash that paid for the house that Jack built. these are the gents that went for the girls that brought in the cash that paid for the house that Jack built. (you kind of get the picture here about an adult subject?) Let put the whole converted nursery rhyme together.... This is the man...why its Jack gone Straight! Now Sharing a fortune, a vast estate! That went to the wife, a widow now That fired the gun that went Pow Pow! That ended the scene of the boundless lust! That swayed the judge so stern and just! That tried the woman That was busted by the Cop That trailed the gents That went for the girls That brought in the cash That paid for the house that Jack built. PM me for the full rhyme on this one. You guys are on your own. Good luck! __________________ “If we should have to fight, we should be prepared to do so from the neck up instead of from the neck down.”— General James H. Doolittle, USAAF

July 15th, 2004	Post 3
NCdt Steliga Cadet Moderator Gear	Those are pretty funny. __________________ 'Truth. Duty. Valour. Blow out you bugles over the rich dead There's none of these so lonely and poor of old But dying has made us rarer gifts than gold' Inscription on the top of the Memorial Arch at RMC Kingston

July 15th, 2004	Post 5
Italian Guy Legatus Legionis Gear	Oh, so you think them out at night, or you got a book Mark ? __________________ "Freedom is the sure possession of those alone who have the courage to defend it". Pericles.

July 15th, 2004	Post 7
sgtbreeden Centurion	Those are pretty good i haven't heard most of them. My dad was into converting nursery rhymes. He kept them open for the imagination though. Mary had a little lamb Tied him to a well Took a stick of dynamite And blew him all to .... Mary had a little lamb Tied him to the heater Every time he turned around He burned his little ..... __________________ Life only throws you what you can handle \"Infantry Leads the Way\"

October 24th, 2004	Post 9
bonnieblue716 Optio	Commy Berlin Sat on a wall Regan told them it must fall And all the Commies Horses and all the commies men Will NEVER build that wall again. Twin Tower's once stood tall But terriorist made them fall and some of our women and some of our men, are going to make sure Osamah never leaves a cave again! __________________ Let me win, but if I can not win, let me be brave in the attempt. Pledge of the althletes of the Special Olympics Airborne - All the Way! HOOAH

July 15th, 2004	Post 4
Mark Conley Tribuni Angusticlavii	More grist for the mill... Little Jack Horner sat in a Corner Eating His Christmas Pie: They Put him away For many a day for it was only the Fourth of July There was a crooked man and he did very well... until the cops caught him and they put him in the jail. Jack be nimble Jack be quick Jack jumped over the candlestick! You have to leap tall or you'll get burned jack did it once...that how he learned! Old McDonald had a farm... The Doctors were suprised. Mary had a little Sheep; and with the sheep she went to sleep. If the sheep turned out to be a ram.. Would Mary have a little lamb? Not Nursery..but just as good... The codfish lays a thousand eggs The lowly hen but one; The Codfish doesnt cackle to tell the world whats shes done! So we praise the lowly hen and the codfish we despise. which really only goes to prove it pays to advertise. no...i dont do the Andrew Dice Clay nursery rhymes or poems....

January 15th, 2007	Post 10
tomtom22 Chief Engineer Gear	__________________ "It doesn't take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to be one of those men who goes into battle." - Norman Schwarskopf, Commander of Desert Storm Operations

Topic: Converted Nursery Rhymes

Post; Converted Nursery Rhymes

Post; Re: Converted Nursery Rhymes