Chuck Norris once shot ten guys dead and then proceeded to preform open heart surgery on them. He finished all 10 surgeries in less than one hour. Then to prove he was not tired he ran 6 marathons at once.

Jesus never really walked on water; it was Chuck Norris dressed as Jesus.

A kid at my school asked what is so great about Chuck Norris, he instantly dropped dead with a sign on his back saying, "That's why!"

Chuck Norris can walk inn to Burger King and order a Big Mac

Chuck Norris can have sex with a pregnant woman and change the child's lineage.

A light year is a long way to many people, but to Chuck Norris that's just a short job around the block.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't, the Holocaust happened.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Originally Posted by C/2nd Lt Robot

A light year is a long way to many people, but to Chuck Norris that's just a short job around the block.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't, the Holocaust happened.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

those are good ones

http://clients.arranschlosberg.com/chuck/index.htm

Chuck Norris can speed on the autobahn.

Chuck Norris was once caught speeding on a highway, however, Chuck Norris was never arrested. The officer that caught Chuck Norris was Chuck Norris.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Chuck Norris is so stupid it takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

When the Boogyman goes to bed he checks the closet for Chuck Norris.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting. Chuck Norris goes KILLING.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.