1. (Q) What is the difference between inhaling and exhaling?
(A) When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
2. (Q) What's the diference between H2O and CO2?
(A) H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
3. (Q) How do you collect sulphur fumes?
(A) To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
4. (Q) Give an example of an "odorless" gas?
(A) When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
5. (Q) Can Nitrogen be found in a "free state?"
(A) Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
6. (Q) What are the 2 elements that make up water?
(A) Water is composed of two "gins", Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
7. (Q) What are the 3 types of blood vessels?
(A) Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
8. (Q) Explain the act of breathing.
(A) Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
9. (Q) Is the moon a planet?
(A) The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
10. (Q) What is "artificial insemination"?
(A) Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
11. (Q) Why do mushrooms grow, looking like umbrellas?
(A) Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
12. (Q) Name 3 major parts of the body.
(A) The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
13. (Q) What is the "pistol" in a flower needed for?
(A) The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
14. (Q) Where is the "alimentary canal" located?
(A) The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
15. (Q) What does the moon and the sun have to do with the tide here on Earth?
(A) All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
16. (Q) What is the Equator?
(A) Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
17. (Q) Explain "germination"?
(A) Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
18. (Q) What is a "liter"?
(A) Liter: A nest of young puppies.
19. (Q) What is a magnet?
(A) Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
20. (Q) Explain "momentum"?
(A) Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
21. (Q) What is a "planet"?
(A) Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
22. (Q) What is a "Vacumm"?
(A) Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
23. (Q) What are the types of blood?
(A) Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
24. (Q) How does one prevent pregnancy?
(A) To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.
25. (Q)How do you keep milk from going sour?
(A) To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
BONUS: What have you done as a student, to promote the anti-smoking campaign?
(A) I was so horrified by what I had read about the effects of smoking that Igave up reading.

C'mon LilCajun, it wuz your Science paper wasn't it? We won't laugh, I promise. Well,... not much any way.

The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.

"I gotta 'member that one"

shhhhh senojekips...dont say that too loud...haha...nah that wasnt mine although i do suck at science...