Bored Husband

Robert

Active member
BORED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. _________,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. ______, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

7. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

8. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

9. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the fitting room was?


And last, but not least:

10. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
 
BORED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. _________,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. ______, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

7. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

8. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

9. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the fitting room was?


And last, but not least:

10. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
 
Remember when Jaws the movie came out? The wife and I were in Woolworths (I think it was Enfield Town branch) when I saw they were selling toy rubber Jaws sharks, I grabbed one, looked around stuck it on the end of my nose shouting "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GET IT OFF GET IT OFF." The wife nearly died of embarrassment when I was asked to leave. She never forgave me for that, she keeps on about it nearly 40 years later:-D

Then on my honeymoon, we booked into our hotel on the Island of Jersey when someone asked, "Can I carry your bag upstairs sir?" I replied, "No let her walk like the rest of us." She keeps on about that one too.:roll:
 
Remember when Jaws the movie came out? The wife and I were in Woolworths (I think it was Enfield Town branch) when I saw they were selling toy rubber Jaws sharks, I grabbed one, looked around stuck it on the end of my nose shouting "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GET IT OFF GET IT OFF." The wife nearly died of embarrassment when I was asked to leave. She never forgave me for that, she keeps on about it nearly 40 years later:-D

Then on my honeymoon, we booked into our hotel on the Island of Jersey when someone asked, "Can I carry your bag upstairs sir?" I replied, "No let her walk like the rest of us." She keeps on about that one too.:roll:


They have no sense of humor. I did something similar, before my first wife and I were married, in the beginning of things, we needed to buy condoms, these ones with flavors, remember when they appeared? So I was standing at the check out line there they are selling condoms in Sweden (grocery stores) she was standing at a minor store within the grocery store where you can buy tobacco, gambling on horses, lottery etc. Meanwhile I am standing there in the line, I am facing a problem, and they have three different flavors of condoms. What to do? My solution was to ask her, so I did, loudly. “Which flavor do you like? They have banana, strawberry, and mint", and held up the packages of each so everyone in the store could see them. I bought mint, but I had no use for them for long time. They do not have a sense of humor.
 
My missus thinks I am bad news, a mate of mine stuck an ice cream cone on his forehead then told everyone he was a unicorn. :shock:
 
I'm a three year old that went through puberty and somehow was given a badge and a gun.... Ali wants to kill me half of the time do to me doing childish stupid things that are fun.
 
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