BORED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. _________,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. ______, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

7. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

8. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

9. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the fitting room was?


And last, but not least:

10. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

Originally Posted by Robert

BORED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. _________,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. ______, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

7. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

8. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

9. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the fitting room was?


And last, but not least:

10. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

That is one way to save money...

Remember when Jaws the movie came out? The wife and I were in Woolworths (I think it was Enfield Town branch) when I saw they were selling toy rubber Jaws sharks, I grabbed one, looked around stuck it on the end of my nose shouting "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GET IT OFF GET IT OFF." The wife nearly died of embarrassment when I was asked to leave. She never forgave me for that, she keeps on about it nearly 40 years later

Then on my honeymoon, we booked into our hotel on the Island of Jersey when someone asked, "Can I carry your bag upstairs sir?" I replied, "No let her walk like the rest of us." She keeps on about that one too.

Originally Posted by BritinAfrica

Remember when Jaws the movie came out? The wife and I were in Woolworths (I think it was Enfield Town branch) when I saw they were selling toy rubber Jaws sharks, I grabbed one, looked around stuck it on the end of my nose shouting "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GET IT OFF GET IT OFF." The wife nearly died of embarrassment when I was asked to leave. She never forgave me for that, she keeps on about it nearly 40 years later

Then on my honeymoon, we booked into our hotel on the Island of Jersey when someone asked, "Can I carry your bag upstairs sir?" I replied, "No let her walk like the rest of us." She keeps on about that one too.

They have no sense of humor. I did something similar, before my first wife and I were married, in the beginning of things, we needed to buy condoms, these ones with flavors, remember when they appeared? So I was standing at the check out line there they are selling condoms in Sweden (grocery stores) she was standing at a minor store within the grocery store where you can buy tobacco, gambling on horses, lottery etc. Meanwhile I am standing there in the line, I am facing a problem, and they have three different flavors of condoms. What to do? My solution was to ask her, so I did, loudly. “Which flavor do you like? They have banana, strawberry, and mint", and held up the packages of each so everyone in the store could see them. I bought mint, but I had no use for them for long time. They do not have a sense of humor.

My missus thinks I am bad news, a mate of mine stuck an ice cream cone on his forehead then told everyone he was a unicorn.

I'm a three year old that went through puberty and somehow was given a badge and a gun.... Ali wants to kill me half of the time do to me doing childish stupid things that are fun.