There were two elderly people who lived in a nursing home, and usually spent their afternoons together watching television. They would often lie in bed and all she would do is hold his pecker, although she wouldn't do anything more with it.

One day, she's walking down the hall and she passes the room of another female resident. To her surprise, she sees her boyfriend lying on the bed and another woman is holding his pecker.

She storms into the room and shouts, "I thought we had something going for us! Is she better looking than me? Is she younger? What does she have that I don't?"

The old man looks up and remarks with a grin, "Parkinsons."


A couple of homosexual men are accidentally rear-ended by a large truck at a stop sign one afternoon.

Furious, the man in the passenger side throws his purse on the seat, steps out of the car, then walks back to the truck and starts banging on the door.

The truck driver opens the door and the homosexual, standing there with his hands on his hips, says, "We're gonna sue your ass!"

The truck driver smirks, says, "Blow me, buddy!"

The homosexual stands there for a moment thinking, then his eyes get really big and his face lights up. He runs back to the car and says excitedly to his lover, "You won't believe this... he wants to settle out of court!"

Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife's beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I've got a confession to make before I go... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house ... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I'm afraid I also was the one who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..."

"That's all right dearest; don't even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I'm the one who poisoned you."

I don't get the first one and the second two aren't that funny! we're harsh on jokes here!

haha.....