Not military, just funny.


Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)... applies to engineers mainly.

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards ... then I will certainly remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2004, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

Good stuff there.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Oh how true that is. When my mom is sick she doesn't tell anyone, gets up and makes us breakfast. When my dad is sick he stays in bed alll day moaning "Wife II'm dying I'm dying!! oohhhwww!"

Same here(arent moms great!){ah,ha, New thread!, Parents and other great people in our lives!}

moms are the best they are always there when you need them.

I Laughed so hard i cried...oh please make it stop...im gonna pee myself

Lol This is cool Yeah women never get sick, actually .

Because I’m a man when I get lost I must insist that I know where I’m going. With the philosophy of if I didn’t want to be here then I wouldn’t have ended up here. I will only stop to ask just to double check if I am heading in the right direction. Admitting that I am truly lost is a last and final resort, only if everything else has ended up in just getting lost even more.

Hey, columbus didn't need a map, and neither do I!

Originally Posted by FutureRANGER

Hey, columbus didn't need a map, and neither do I!

teh reply, columbus also thought he was in india.