About 5 reasons why men should be gay
|January 27th, 2007||#1|
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5 reasons why men should be gay info
1. No more emo guys.
Ok, so I was at a party last week. Two of my friends' birthdays put together. A bigger party than in Mel Gibson's pants. The roof has been raised and put on fire. In other words, Andrew Bang was pimpin' it up. I remembered exactly how everything was. I was in an obscure corner of the room surrounded by 7 cheerleaders and 8 blondes, listening to my latest achievements. The song that was blaring from the stereos was Smack That-Akon. Everything was great. The food was great, music, drinks, and as i mentioned above, pimping. Then i noticed the saddest creature in the entire room, my friend Aaron Martinez, drinking over his ex-girlfriend. I instantly became furious and asked my friends ," WHO THE HELL INVITED HIM HERE!" You see, when my friend Aaron is drunk, he is what you call an emo drunk. He starts crying and balling about his lost love. In other words, the party was ruined. The music stopped to be replaced by his weeping. The girls around me flocked to Aaron to hear his sob story for the 7th time. I had it. Another party ruined by the sad drunk. If he was gay, it would be a totally different story. And i wouldn't be jealous when girls are around him.
You see, if you become gay, you will be relieved of the common relationships issues between a man and a woman. No more guessing what the women feels or thinks. No more arguing over infidelity and lies. And another plus is the fact you will not make your friends, who were stupid enough to stay straight, jealous when you talk to their girlfriends. So what does that mean for you? No more aching hearts and sob stories to your friends who don't care. No more crying and RUINING your friend's parties. No more peeing standing up. And now you can take as long as you want in the bathroom. Also, you can blame all emotions on your TOM.
2. You can take part in girl-only activities.
The girls in your school are all giggling in groups. Are they talking about you? No you self-centered ass, it is something you cannot make out. You move in a little closer hoping to catch what they are talking about.. "slum.....par...y...." A SLUMBER PARTY! You eye them in despair, knowing it is only for girls. *Sigh* If you could only join them. Oh? What is this? A boy joins the group and receives an INVITATION! Is it an open invitation? Only one way to find out. "Hey, can i get an invite?"
Girl: "Are you gay?" You: "Yea." She hands you an invite. Has no one realized this awesome way to get into girl-only activities? Once you have chosen the gay life, so many opportunities will be open to you. Girls' bathrooms? Open. Girls' inner trust circles? Open. Girls' inner thoughts? Open. Painful break ups? Closed.
You might wonder why such a kind soul like me is helping you out. It is because i wish to be gay, but i can't. Why? Because my girlfriend forbids it. SO i want you to escape my fate before it happens to you. DO NOT let a woman nail you down! Ok i'll finish the next 3 reasons tomorrow or something, i have to meet my girlfriend for the movies right now.... stomp the yard.. aslkdfj omg.. a stupid high school dance movie again.. stomp my testes...
3. You will have many girlfriends.
You know, a guy can probably say.. why do i have to be gay to have a lot of friends that are girls? You are wrong. They aren't really your friends. They are just people you know. Honestly, do you think they tell you stuff that they tell their closest girlfriends? I didn't think so. Plus, how will you be able to relate to them? Your a guy. You have a big ego and so chock full of pride, i cannot see how a girl can relate. How are you going to explain "oh i have a game clan meeting online today, so i can't meet up" To you it is very serious, to girls, you are insane. How do i know girls would rather have a gay friend then straight? They say it themselves. I cannot tell you how many times i hear " ugh i wish i had a gay best friend." If any girls reading this deny this, i can only say, they never experienced the wonderful company of a gay person.
4. You will hear a girl fart.
Ok, you may laugh at this one, but i do not care. I have never heard a girl fart before. It is the weirdest thing ever. I hear rumors around school such as "Oh she is a crazy farter" and stuff.. but then.. how come i never heard it before?!?! And then i realized what the problem was. Girls only fart with their friends.. who so happened to be girls. I don't understand why they wouldn't fart in front of me. But, if you were gay, and became part of them, i assure you, you will experience their unique sound. MAN! it really is weird..do you girls hold it the entire day? doesn't that like bloat your stomach? well.. if you guys can tell me the secret..i will be really really happy.. i cannot tell you how many times my flatulence has been "accidentally" released in one public event or another. My friend told me when a girl farts, it sounds really cute. Please tell me this is not true.. because if it is, i bet you anything there are a bunch of guys who get turned on by it.
5. You will unlock your feminine side.
Girl: UGH YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH!
Guy: Yes i do, your mad right now aren't you? or wait..um pissed off ?
Girl: UGH!!!!!!!!!! *slap*
Girl: UGH YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH!
Gay guy: Yes i do, you are pmsing, but don't worry about it, here is a nice starbucks coffee, and a tynnenol..hey did you see brad pitts new photoshoot?
Girl: Yes!! so hot
Gay guy: i know i know..
Did anyone notice the huge enormous difference between the two scenarios? Well i sure did. And let me tell you right now, you will never be that understanding to a girl if you stay a straight guy. Your mind is enclosed to games, sex, sports, and taking out the trash. Well let me add a new section to your brain once you become gay. Feminism. Yup. No more trying to adapt to each one of your friend that is a girl's mood swings. You will swing right there with her.
Well hope this really helps you men out there. Remember, don't think of it as being girly. Think of it, as saving your life in the future.