May 11th, 2007
Ahem........(clear throat here).... info
Dedicated to Team Infidel........ GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane. LOW BLOWS: Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on TV. One of the boxers is felled by a low blow. The woman says, "Oh, gee. That must have hurt." The man groans and doubles over, and actually FEELS the pain. LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style." THE WEDDING: When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony". Men talk about "the bachelor party". ADMITTING MISTAKES: Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted he was wrong was General George Custer. PLANTS: A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens. TIME: When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she's using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game's just got five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays. Q: How can you tell if a man is dead? A: He is finally hard, and there are no skid marks in his underwear. Q: How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Just one - men will screw anything. Q: When do a man's clothes match? A: When the undertaker dresses him. Q: How is a box of Raisin Bran cereal like a man? A: It is filled with flakes and fruits. Q: How can you tell if a man is really thinking? A: He scratches his balls. Q: How can you tell if a man is anxious in bed? A: When he starts flipping the TV channels quickly.
Seven days without laughter makes one weak.