| The Captain
Our Chemical Support Company is led (officially anyway) by a Captain. He has 6 years of military service behind him but that is all he will ever get. His military career is finished and he is bound to leave the unit next month or the month after. Since I arrived at the unit on September 28th, 2005 we have had a Sergeant Major, one Gunnery Sergeant, three Staff Sergeants and two Lance Corporals sacked or court martialled. We had one big incident where the unit was caught totally shitfaced on Sunday. Our unit is made up of only 42 people and we’ve stirred more **** than the Anti-Aircraft unit and the Communications Battalion combined… we’ve stirred more **** than the three infantry battalions on the island… though it’d be a lie to say we’ve stirred more **** than all three combined. So naturally would you promote a guy who was in charge of that kind of unit? Hell no.
In movies and stuff you see the captain or the commanding officer all the time. Hell sometimes he’s the main character. Welcome to the real world. Or at least our unit. The Captain shows up only once in a while and most of it just to tell us to not beat the **** out of each other. He’s a unit reject. When we were cleaning out the captain’s office, one of the more senior Staff Sergeants showed up and ordered us to stop wiping the dust. “Let the ****er die of pneumonia,” he said.
Being on his way out, he doesn’t manage the unit. It’s not his problem anymore. And he blames us for his career demise and probably asks God or whoever or whatever he believes in what he did in his previous life to deserve such a disaster unit. But you know, the unit is his work. Our unit does nothing. Every day we just sit there waiting for something to happen like orders to clean out the trash of the Anti-Aircraft Company. Move rocks from this side of the parking lot to that side of the parking lot. In between that time we open up our MOS (Military Occupational Specialty) books and study. At least pretend to study. At first you study like hell. But soon enough you’ll just look at a page as if it had nothing on it and you’ll just daydream because it’s the same **** you’ve read at least 5 times already in the same day. So that’s my day. I wake up in the morning, barely, and we don’t run. Then we go eat breakfast and we come back and we don’t have anything planned for the day. Then we pretend to study, then we eat lunch. Then we come back and have nothing planned. We pretend to study. Then we eat dinner. We come back and clean the building. We have night inspection and go to bed. I think by now you’ll realize why our unit is nuts. We never do anything. Get any group of young people to do nothing for that long of a time and you will have a disaster on your hands.
So when we get to leave base for a few hours we get drunk. And we beat the **** out of each other. Eventually a lower ranking guy goes nuts and beats the **** out of a higher ranking guy.
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Sergeant 13th Redneck (RET)
Republic of Korea Marine Corps
TRESPASSERS WILL BE PROSTITUTED 
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