Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: Okay, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises! Listen ..
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one!
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck!
Tech support: That doesn't sound good! I'll make a note!
Customer: No, wait a minute! I hadn't inserted it yet! It's still on my desk! Sorry!
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen!
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: Good day! How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello ... I can't print!
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates!
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha! I can't print! Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it!
Customer: I have problems printing in red!
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you!
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket!
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore!
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here! Ah .. that one does work!
Customer: I can't get on the Internet!
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars!
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail!
Tech support: Okay and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
And last, but not least ..
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob!
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P" ... on your keyboard, Bob!
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!