Well, I think everyone felt lonely sometimes..
But today it's really feeling like hell over here.
I don't know why I am writing this, I guess I just need to get it out of me.
I just realized of how much of a loner I am today.
I don't like girls at all, not to be with or have as friends.
And when I get male friends, they just get it f*cked up by falling in love with me.
So how should I have my life?
I have my b/f, and he is nice and all that.
But I rather spend a night out having a night shift in the military all alone and be depressed then sitting in a lousy house just doing nothing.
Why can't I just feel like I have a mission in my life?
I have thought more about joining the military now then ever before.
I think it will suit me..
It will suit me better then being a model.
Besides, there isn't anything better then having a weapon in your hand and knowing that it's your best friend.
Not that I like violence, but then I at least have something in my life I like.
A nice miltary job as a leutanant.. (Excuse my spelling) or a something like that.
I want to be out there, defending the people and do what I desire most - to help and to make justice.
It's my call in life.. But why don't I follow it?
Why don't I do these things I like instead of letting things get in my way..
Of course, I problaby want a family someday in my life, but I don't know if that dream burns as much for me as military and cars.
I am aware that I am discussing a lot of crap.. Hehe..
But that is how we girls work. :P
I want to make a difference out there, I want to be there and do these things to help civilians to get rid of things that ain't good for them.
I want to be out there on these fields and know that the guys you work with, the other soldiers, is your best friend and you are made for covering their back and fix this situation with your leader.
Nights like these can make you think about life, dreams and your situation..
Why can't I just get feeling of what I want?
This will be my longest night ever..
And this will be one of a lonely night..