SigPig

THE CO...
...is faster than a speeding bullet
...is more powerful than a locomotive
...is able to leap tall buildings in a single bound
...walks on water
...gives policy to God

THE DCO...
...is a tad slower than a speeding bullet
...is more powerful than a switch engine
...is able to leap tall buildings with a running start
...walks on water if the wind is calm
...talks with God

THE ADJUTANT...
...is faster than a speeding BB
...is as powerful as a rail car
...can barely clear a Quonset hut
...walks on water if the wind is calm
...is occasionally addressed by God

THE OPS O...
...can fire a speeding bullet
...loses tug of war with electric train
...makes high marks on walls trying to leap tall buildings
...swims well
...may talk to God if special permission is granted

THE TROOP OC...
...wets himself with a water pistol
...recognizes trains two times out of three
...consistently pushes doors marked “Pull” on tall buildings
...dog paddles
...mumbles to himself

THE OFFICER CADET...
...is NEVER issued firearms
...says “Look at da choo-choo!”
...trips over steps trying to enter tall buildings
...plays in mud puddles
...babbles incoherently

THE TROOP SERGEANT
...mutters “If I only had a gun…”
...has train of thought constantly derailed
...continuously climbs the walls
...walks on thin ice
...prays desperately to God

THE SERGEANT-MAJOR...
...catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them
...kicks locomotives off the tracks
...lifts tall buildings and walks under them
...freezes water with a glare and walks across
...IS God

__________________
\"What are you talking about? One, two, three, fo-- oh, crap.\"
- G. Edwin Bergstrom, Arlington VA, 15 Jan 1943